Why do Narcissists Devalue you?

The Narcissist will destroy all that is good about you because all of those amazing traits and qualities make them feel bad about themselves. Once the narcissist has hooked you in, the devaluation stage must and will begin. They devalue you to punish you for being 'better' than them in any way, and to bring you under their control.

In this episode we unpack....

*   Why does the narcissist devalue you?
*   The strategies they use to devalue you that you don't recognise at the time.
*   What devaluing strategies does the narcissist use? Eg. Isolation, Gaslighting and financial abuse.
*   Is the devaluing stage inevitable?
*   How do you as the victim, fall for their devaluation strategies?
*   How do you recognise the times you are being devalued?

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Transcript

Transcript
0:00
hi everyone and welcome to the fake love and flying monkeys podcast my name's
0:05
Nova Gibson and I am your host my area of expertise is in supporting victims
0:11
and survivors of narcissistic abuse and other toxic relationships I'm the
0:16
principal counselor at brighter Outlook narcissistic abuse counseling service
0:21
and I'm also the author of fake love understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse in this podcast we
0:28
going to be talking about every everything from the initial pink Cloud you find yourself on at the start
0:35
through to the horrific discard and the powerful trauma bomb that keeps you hooked so take your imaginary seat on
0:43
the roller coaster that is narcissistic abuse and don't forget to subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an
0:49
episode of fake love and flying monkeys hi everyone and welcome to
0:56
another episode of fake love and flying monkeys I'm back again with this husky voice
1:03
it's winter here in Brisbane and the freezing cold winds are blowing and this
1:09
no voice thing seems to be getting round so you're going to be hearing a few episodes in the next few weeks of me
1:15
sounding just a little different to normal but today I want to talk about
1:24
devaluing why does the narcissist devalue their victims well to give you a
1:30
little more context around why they start devaluing their victims let's go
1:36
back to the beginning The Narcissist love bumbs you you've never felt so good
1:43
they treat you so so well and everything
1:48
about you they profess to love you've never met anyone who's treated you so
1:56
well even if you're not an intimate partner you remember the times when uh
2:03
the person who you've now discovered is a narcissist in your life uh was once
2:09
really really kind and nice to you or is sporadically they go from hot to cold
2:16
from being over the-top nice to treating you so badly and this is just so
2:24
confusing for you so to put it quite simply The Narcissist has to to be over
2:30
the toop in everything they do to refute that internal shame they actually feel
2:37
because NPD is actually a shame based disorder but not only to refute that
2:43
internal shame but because they've got to be bigger and better than everyone
2:49
else in everything they do so hooking
2:54
their Target in is no different they will go to the nth agree now it's not
3:02
just about uh refuting the internal shame and being bigger and better than everyone else it's also about Landing
3:11
their prey hooking you in in this Whirlwind that just happens so quickly
3:18
your your head spins and the reason it happens so so quickly is so that you do
3:26
become hooked before you see the person that they really are essentially the the
3:34
person that exists behind that mask that they portray to everyone else outside of
3:42
your closed front doors and of course to you in the very beginning they're
3:49
pretending to be someone they're not and that's the person you remember because
3:56
this person makes you feel good and because it will deflect from those times
4:04
when in the future they treat you so horrifically now the narcissist knows
4:11
when you are hooked they know ex exactly when they can kick back and relax and
4:20
become who they really are which is a predator devoid of empathy who uses
4:27
everyone else as a vehicle to maintain their own uh self-esteem their own ego
4:35
they know when they've landed their prey and they can relax it takes a lot of
4:43
work to love bomb someone and make it all about them make it all about you
4:50
when all therea is the end goal which is of course to make it all about them now
4:58
when that moment comes it's a relief for the narcissist because that's when they can
5:06
put their plans into action which is to start the process of
5:14
devaluation most of you will have heard of the narcissistic cycle of Love bomb
5:22
devalue and discard but you will also know if you've been uh a and discarded
5:31
by the narcissist that it doesn't just stop there love bomb devalue discard is
5:39
also followed by destroy and Hoover Hoover meaning to suck you back in
5:47
Hoover Uh being a term that's coined from the Hoover vacuum cleaner now to
5:54
maintain that false self that facade of
6:00
the person they portray to the world the the personality who makes up who they
6:07
are now they need what we call narcissistic Supply that's their oxygen
6:15
and without narcissistic Supply they will fall in a heap so to
6:22
speak it's their life force it's it's their oxygen and they get their narcissistic Supply from from your
6:31
reactions good or bad they need attention admiration and the attention
6:39
can be both positive and negative it's irrelevant to The Narcissist as long as
6:47
they are getting those reactions from you either uh right in front of you
6:54
where you're giving it to them face to face or vicariously because they've said
6:59
up a situation where they know that they will be occupying space in your head and
7:07
that you will be thinking about them so we know that they need to engage in that
7:14
idealization phase that love buming phase to get you hooked and we also know
7:21
that they need your reactions to survive
7:26
so if it's got to be about about them and they don't care whether they receive
7:34
positive or negative uh attention reactions from you then it stands to
7:42
reason that they are going to have some fun in uh vacillating from uh pretending
7:52
to be that nice person that you met in the beginning in other words throwing
7:57
you breadcrumbs of that person that you inevitably Miss and the person who they
8:07
really are the the person who is abusing
8:12
and confusing you so the devaluation phase is absolutely imperative for the
8:20
narcissist to bring you under their control to lower your self-esteem your
8:28
confidence your self self worth so that you feel dependent on them so that you
8:35
feel like you can't survive without them and also to punish you for any perceived
8:44
indiscretion and also to confuse you because a confused mind is a conquered
8:51
mind and when you're confused you're going to be reacting you're going to be
8:58
questioning them you're going to be justifying yourself and arguing with them and defending yourself and
9:05
explaining yourself all the while giving them their much needed Supply now if we
9:13
were talking about a car and how it had been devalued we might say it it's old
9:22
uh there's newer models out there it's got you know rust and and all of these
9:28
things wrong with it it's been in a few accidents and it it's no longer uh the
9:35
nice new shiny car that we bought in the beginning in other words it's worth
9:41
nothing it it's not worth what it would cost to fix that old car and you treat
9:49
it like an old car that has lost its value so using those same principles The
9:56
Narcissist needs to devalue you so that you feel worthless when they meet you
10:04
they do believe that you possess all those amazing qualities that they bring
10:11
to your attention and that make you feel so valued by that person they actually
10:19
do believe you possess all those wonderful traits and it's those very
10:26
traits that make them feel bad about them themselves so they choose you uh
10:33
for all those wonderful qualities that you possess but then because they bring
10:39
about such negative feelings in themselves once you're hooked and they know you're not going anywhere they then
10:47
proceed to destroy those qualities and this is why it's so confusing for you
10:54
when let's just say in the beginning they loved how you was so open and
11:01
friendly you had so many friends and in the end they'll be telling you that
11:07
you're nothing but a flirt that they hate all your friends and that you're just desperate none of these people
11:13
really like you in other words they're destroying the very quality they said
11:21
they loved about you in the beginning in a nutshell devaluing the devaluation
11:28
phase is about dismantling eroding away
11:34
who you are your personality and creating a new one uh a new you who will
11:43
be easy to manipulate and who won't trust themselves who will question every
11:51
thought they have and will never feel like anyone else will believe in them
11:59
them or love them it's about changing you into someone that is Beneath The
12:08
Narcissist in every single way and it's not just things uh that make the
12:15
narcissist envious Envy being one of their defining traits one of those n
12:22
defining traits that you will find in the DM they also Envy they have that path
12:29
ological Envy for your natural ability
12:34
to be happy genuinely happy in situations your
12:41
success uh anything you're good at they will set about destroying making you
12:49
feel like you're you're not good at those things and that they were just
12:55
saying those things you to make you feel good about yourself they want you to
13:03
think that you have nothing that's worthy worthy of being loved and of
13:10
course then you should feel and maybe will feel grateful that this person
13:18
actually wants you so it's extremely
13:24
manipulative and they said about this situation like a a chess player to
13:31
slowly dismantle who you are and create
13:36
that new person that will uh tolerate their abuse and you do
13:46
without even knowing it over time every victim will will develop a threshold for
13:54
abuse that is so incredibly High and a threshold for resp ECT that is on the
14:01
ground no matter how confident you were before this is their goal uh and if
14:09
you've got no previous trauma in your life of course core wounds making you
14:15
more susceptible to The Narcissist uh ability to manipulate you even if you
14:21
were uh someone who was just so confident no previous trauma that will
14:27
present as a challenge to the narcissist and even those people will develop a
14:36
threshold for abuse that is incredibly high and they will have no idea how they
14:43
got to be that person who tolerates this
14:50
behavior and uh the the levels of respect they receive in return are just
14:58
non-existent and of course uh behaviors that you never in a million years would have
15:05
tolerated if the narcissists had have engaged in those behaviors in the very
15:12
beginning so the devaluation stage happens over time and it's Insidious and
15:20
you you aren't aware that it's taking place the devaluation phase must and
15:27
will begin as soon as the narcissist knows that you
15:33
are hooked it is as inevitable as the sun coming up tomorrow because the
15:41
narcissist is only interested in that end goal of making it all about them and
15:48
to do that they need to destroy you so the tactics that they use are wide and
15:58
and very but also very very textbook and
16:03
predictable once you know once you've had that light bold moment you can read
16:09
about and you know watch videos about the experiences of other victims and you
16:15
can see that the strategies they use to
16:20
erode your sense of self away are just textbook from one abusive relationship
16:30
to the next now the narcissist knows that you are hooked on the person they
16:36
pretended to be in the beginning so they know that you will be
16:43
forever trying to get back that person and you will experience M
16:49
confusion uh the shape shift the the change from the person who put you on
16:56
that pink Cloud into the person who seems to be irritated by everything that
17:04
you do so they know that you will come
17:09
up with all of these coping mechanisms these survival techniques if you will to
17:19
survive this abusive confusing relationship that you still can't define
17:26
as abuse and they condition you to blame
17:32
yourself and for you to think that there must be something wrong with you if
17:38
they've changed from this person who loved you so much into this person who
17:47
hates the fact it seems like that you even draw breath then you will be
17:53
continuing to look for ways to fix that and they condition you to believe that
17:59
it's because of you they changed there are so many ways the narcissist devalues
18:07
you but today I'm just going to be talking about uh a few strategies now
18:13
one of the classic techniques they use to destroy who you are and create Mass
18:22
confusion and get you to blame yourself and not trust yourself is gaslighting
18:29
sliding is when they distort your reality they will make you not trust
18:35
that what you're seeing is what you're actually seeing or what you're hearing is what you're actually hearing or what
18:42
you're feeling is what you're feeling they will condition you to not trust
18:49
your instincts and they will also take it so far that you will go to them you
18:57
will go to the very person who distorted your perceptions of reality in the first
19:03
place uh as to what your reality is and
19:09
in the end as many of you know they will be able to just say things that you
19:17
would never have defended yourself against in the beginning cuz they were
19:23
just ridiculous they're just nde defensible but in the end they have you
19:31
believing them and questioning your judgment because of the conditioning and
19:37
also because of the the conviction that they say and do these
19:43
things and just how adamant that they're right that you believe there there must
19:49
be some kind of Truth in what they're saying to you and you will come up with
19:59
some way of uh justifying how this uh
20:06
nonsensical ridiculous thing that they they're saying to you actually has some
20:13
or may have some validity so gaslighting like the word narcissist has become a
20:19
bit of a buzzword itself over recent times which is unfortunate because
20:27
gaslighting uh used in the correct context associated with the
20:35
actual Devastation and destruction that
20:40
it reeks on uh the victims who are
20:46
abused with it uh gasoline causes a lot of damage so when you are gaslighted
20:55
over and over and over again with the The Narcissist starting off very very
21:02
small with just tiny little things they chip away at your ability to trust your
21:08
instincts and slowly over time these things get bigger and bigger and bigger
21:13
and you don't see this natural or not natural but this slippery slope
21:21
into uh a place when you know they can say that you know black is white and and
21:27
white is black uh even in the face of pardon the pun or not pardon the pun
21:34
black and white evidence it happens over time but
21:41
gaslighting destroys your ability to trust yourself now when you go from
21:48
being a confident person to not trusting anything that you see or hear or feel or
21:55
anything that comes out of your mouth you are just putty in their hands because
22:03
they are able to tell you what your truth is in other words the
22:11
devaluation phase is so much easier when you don't trust yourself now all of the
22:19
strategies The Narcissist uses to devalue you incorporate coercive
22:27
control now another effective strategy coercive
22:32
control strategy they engage is when they uh make you uh get rid of anything
22:42
that's enjoyable in your life and they set these situations up so that uh you
22:53
are the one to distance yourself from let's say
22:59
uh the gym classes that you so loved doing or maybe you you went to painting
23:06
classes or dancing classes anything that brings you Joy or or your time on social
23:12
media when you could talk with you know friends and and and and old
23:19
acquaintances they set it up by the the
23:24
punishments which start off small maybe a little SU here and there when you're
23:30
engaging in those enjoyable activities they will make it so hard for
23:39
you to go to those pleasurable activities or you know just to do
23:45
anything that makes you happy because of their their little salts which will grow
23:52
you know into one week two week even longer silent treatments or the slamming
23:58
of door doors the the Smashing of their coffee cup on the kitchen bench all of
24:06
these behaviors that you instinctively know are because you were engaging in those
24:16
pleasurable activities so what do you do to avoid those punishments you give them
24:26
up and because they will come up with all of these
24:32
reasons why you doing those things has a
24:37
selfish agenda what it's really is about is they don't want you to do anything
24:42
that makes you happy and of course those things take attention away from them
24:48
makes them envious jealous uh they will have you thinking
24:55
that those things are selfish for instance if you go to uh a gym class and I talk
25:04
about this in my book fake love so please read it guys fake love
25:09
understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse by Harper Collins I talk about uh the this very uh situation
25:20
where Sophie uh in my book uh gives up
25:25
her favorite gym class at I think it's at 6:00 at night she's made sure the
25:32
dinner's cooked the kids have done all of their chores their homework it just
25:37
seems like the perfect times she's walking on eggshells which is a huge red
25:45
flag for anyone else but Sophie doesn't see this because she has had her
25:54
boundaries eroded away so slowly over time
25:59
so she's walking on eggshells about having these pleasurable activities
26:05
her's been going to the gym at 6:00 at night and Justin the abuser tells her
26:13
that it's selfish you know that's when he gets home from work and and he hasn't
26:20
seen her all day and you know that's family time so what does she do she
26:27
wants to be the loving mother and wife so she gives up her pleasurable activity
26:34
which is going to the gym so she did that she made the decision now uh
26:43
another in instance in my book fake love was when she gave up Sophie gave up her
26:51
social media now Justin her abuser didn't tell her to do this she did it
27:00
herself but why did she do it because of once again the suts the the irritated
27:09
looks and the silent treatments Etc from Justin every time she even opened her
27:18
phone just to have a little uh I guess check out from her busy day on YouTube
27:25
or whatever it is or was that she was looking at in other words the punishment
27:33
from Justin was just not worth it and of
27:38
course when she eventually uh was able to confront him
27:45
as to you know what's wrong you know why are you angry at me he would again tell
27:53
her that she was doing something selfish you know she sits on her phone all day
28:00
and and that takes time away from them as a couple and that he wanted to talk
28:09
to her at those times now the irony here is that when she did give up her social
28:17
media and and a gym class nothing changed uh which once again just
28:24
exacerbated her confusion because she did all the things that he said she
28:31
wanted and nothing changed he didn't want to spend any more time with her but
28:39
she gave up the social media she uh discontinued her membership at the gym
28:49
so any time she attempted to say well I did what you wanted me to do justce as
28:58
all narcissists do came back with the
29:04
well I didn't tell you to do that you didn't have to do that that was your choice to do that and yet Justin had
29:14
made the phone call to the gym he had uh
29:19
given away the social media by uh by taking Sophie off a sure as he had
29:29
pushed the buttons himself he coerced her into those behaviors which she felt
29:39
uh that she had to do for fear of the punishment that she suffered every time
29:47
she did something enjoyable this is devaluing uh so that you have nothing
29:55
pleasurable in your life and the narcissist becomes the only consistent
30:03
fixture in your life and it also makes those breadcrumbs they give you when
30:08
they're being nice it makes those times feel like gold once again pushing you
30:18
further into their arms another strategy that they use to devalue you that kind
30:26
of goes hand in hand and with coercing you into removing anything pleasurable
30:34
in your life is isolation isolation is imperative so
30:42
that you have no one that can support you and also no one who can influence
30:52
you against uh The Narcissist uh which is a big reason they resent you so much
31:00
being on social media and being anywhere with other people that they're not
31:08
involved in because you are with people who can change your point of view who
31:16
potentially can uh give you the heads up
31:21
on how you're being treated by The Narcissist so they need to to isolate
31:29
you from your loved ones from your your
31:35
passions from your family they will try
31:42
and isolate you from your job uh if you enjoy your job and it's something you're
31:49
good at they will uh tell you things like uh that job is so bad they don't
31:57
app appreciate you at work they use you the the money's no good so you not being
32:05
able to trust your instincts start to buy into this so just with the job I
32:13
hear this a lot from my clients in my Counseling Practice they are
32:20
manipulated into giving up this job so what happens then the victim is at home
32:29
they're trusting that the abuser that they can't Define at that time is their
32:36
abuser will support them because after all they wanted them to give up their
32:43
job so while they're looking for other options that are better for them and
32:50
more suitable to uh you know their area of of
32:56
expertise they totally believe that the narcissists will look after
33:02
them what actually ends up happening most of the time is that the victim is
33:11
berated for not having a job ridiculed they are uh abused undermined because
33:21
the The Narcissist then is supporting them and they're sick of supporting the
33:26
family and all all the victim is doing is sitting around on their backside all
33:32
day they manipulate the victim they isolate them
33:38
from that particular part of their life that made them feel good about
33:43
themselves something they actually were really good at and was good for them
33:49
they isolate them from that uh position and then they
34:00
ironically uh abused them for not having a job and once again how
34:08
confusing is this for a victim who
34:14
thought that they were doing the right thing they're they're learning that they
34:21
can never do anything to please the narcissist and that when they actually
34:29
think they're doing what the narcissist wants from them the narcissist will
34:35
either shift the goalpost Andor say that
34:41
that that's not what they wanted from them at all or they will abuse them for
34:48
doing the very thing they said they wanted them to do isolating their victim
34:56
is so important important to the narcissist because if you are as the victim uh with
35:05
other people then they might talk you into lead you might get a different
35:12
version of events so like a uh like a
35:18
hyena who is circling you know a a pack of of wilderbe and they they're honing
35:26
in on the most vulnerable uh member of the park if
35:33
that's what you call it in wer Beast um they will Circle and circle
35:39
until they isolate their prey and once
35:45
they get them away from uh you know the the mother or uh one of the members of
35:54
the pack who could potentially uh rest rescued them from their demise uh and of
36:01
course hurt the hyena this is like a great analogy to describe the
36:08
narcissists when they Circle you you're their prey and they've got got to cut
36:14
off all exits so that you are on your
36:21
own now I won't go into all of the ways they isolate you but of course there's
36:27
some uh just very very common ways such as uh
36:33
getting you to move States okay they'll say oh I got this amazing job on on on
36:40
the other side of the country you know way way away from your family your
36:46
friends but they make out like that you would be selfish if you didn't let them
36:53
take this opportunity up and of course you're trauma bonded to your abuser so
37:00
you do what they ask of you which is maybe give up your job give up your
37:05
whole life to move states with them or
37:11
they will engage in in behaviors such as
37:18
uh that such as getting you away from your loved ones and your family through
37:25
tactics such as becoming either really
37:31
really good friends with those people just so they can isolate you from them
37:38
at a later time when those loved ones have such uh a a a strong connection
37:47
with the narcissist uh they love this person they saying that they don't
37:53
believe you when you go to talk about about the abuse they won't believe you
38:00
so you will feel isolated from those people and uh it will be even more
38:06
debilitating because they will support the narcissist because the narcissist
38:13
has has told them how erratic you've been and they only see this caring
38:19
person that uh wants to help you uh so
38:25
they will isolate you in in that way or on the other hand they will
38:33
isolate You by never forming bonds with
38:39
your friends so that when your friends come over or perhaps you and the
38:47
narcissist go out with your friends they will be so rude when they come over they
38:55
will you know sne near at them or create an argument with you which will make
39:02
your loved one so uncomfortable that you once again you
39:09
will you will be saying oh no sorry we can't get to that party or uh no sorry
39:16
you can't come over tonight and you'll be making up all of these excuses to avoid those horrible
39:23
humiliating scenes so once again you say no so if you say anything to The
39:30
Narcissist they will come back with you could have gone uh you could have
39:36
invited them over why did you say no so it's lose lose for you so they will be
39:44
so in incredibly rude that you don't want your friends around the narcissist
39:51
and your friends don't want to be around them and of course once again you've got
39:56
this powerful trauma bond to your abuser which trumps all of these uh friendships and
40:06
relationships so you will come up with coping mechanism coping
40:13
mechanisms survival techniques to make these
40:21
isolation strategies uh the fact that you know you've slowly been distance from your
40:28
loved ones uh you you'll come up with all of these reasons why they were
40:34
necessary or not the narcissist's fault or perhaps you agree there is something
40:42
wrong with those people when really this is your brain uh enabling you to survive
40:50
the abuse which once again you can't even Define as abuse another classic
40:58
strategy The Narcissist uses to devalue you that seems to go hand inand with
41:05
narcissistic abuse and is of course coercive control is through financial
41:13
abuse now money equates to power uh without
41:19
money you can't go anywhere and the narcissist wants to make it so so
41:27
difficult for you to leave and if you do leave you'll leave with nothing so to
41:35
make you absolutely powerless to control you they will make it so that you have
41:44
no access to resources or or very few and they will do it in such a way that
41:51
you think they've got your best interests at heart or the family's best interest interests at heart and that you
41:58
should be grateful to them so for instance once again getting back uh to
42:06
Sophie in my book fake love understanding and healing from narcissistic
42:12
abuse Justin under the guise of caring told her to stay at home with their
42:20
babies when they were born he would look after them and she thought this was
42:26
amazing she could spend all this time the most important years of their life with them and he took over all the bill
42:36
pain because of course uh this is a boring horrible job and he also very
42:44
insidiously made out that she wasn't really good at budgeting so that uh he
42:51
was doing what was best for the family anyway I'm sure many of you will know
42:57
the story over time she would uh go to
43:05
get the groceries perhaps and she would have uh either bought things that were
43:12
not necessary or she didn't get enough food with the allowance that he gave her
43:19
because of course he was doing the right thing and allocating all the rest of the money to important bills and and she
43:28
would be so confused because whilst never being able to win if she bought
43:35
groceries she either got the wrong things or she uh didn't get enough but
43:42
whilst she was trying to live and have the family live on that really tight
43:47
budget here he is you know going and purchasing all of these uh items that
43:55
seem so un necessary you know things like extravagant uh motorbikes and computers
44:04
and and all of these luxury items whilst at the same time telling her they were
44:10
on a tight budget and berating her for her terrible spending habits so
44:18
insidiously over time uh the victim is
44:24
conditioned to have absolutely no power
44:29
when it comes to uh financial resources and they have to literally beg their
44:37
abuser for anything to be able to buy simple things like uh presents for the
44:44
children or just clothes for themselves or just a little bit of extra money for
44:49
the groceries and then have to sit through going uh through the the credit
44:56
card state M with their abuser where they are told which items uh were
45:02
necessary and which items uh they they could do without uh basically being
45:08
treated like a child and being humiliated so over time the victim hands
45:18
over without knowing it it doesn't happen in one big hit it's a slow slow
45:25
burn where the victim hands over all of their power until they have access to
45:36
absolutely nothing and they have to beg to get the the very Bare Essentials that
45:45
someone in a a normal healthy relationship would take for granted so
45:52
this brings about you know a sense of uh helplessness
45:57
and it becomes learned helplessness where the victim becomes used to this
46:05
way of living and can't even Define it as abuse uh until you know they can
46:13
compare their situation with someone in a more healthy relationship or of course
46:19
when they go to leave and they have nothing everything is in their abuser's
46:25
name um uh they're getting no child support because the abuser is fraudulent
46:34
fraudulently lying to the system and
46:39
they've got no money to uh secure a a lawyer let alone any type of legal
46:47
advice so Financial abuse is a big one and it it's also one strategy of
46:56
coercive control where the victim ends up uh learning how to maintain you know
47:05
a very very tight budget which is actually a skill in itself uh even
47:12
though they've been told they're terrible at budgeting uh they become
47:18
accustomed to this and it's really difficult for them to Define it as abuse
47:24
now there are so many ways The Narcissist devalues you to make them
47:32
feel powerful and to destroy you which makes them feel powerful all
47:38
relationships with a narcissist are defined by power and control and all of
47:45
the strategies that I've mentioned every single strategy they use to devalue you
47:52
uh these strategies are underpinned by coercive control so it is inevitable that the
48:02
devaluation stage begins and it will continue for the entirety of the
48:09
relationship so you never feel worthy of
48:14
being loved you never feel valued and so
48:21
that you are dependent on the very person for your selfworth who destroyed
48:30
that selfworth in the first place and that brings us to the end of another
48:36
episode of fake love and flying monkeys I hope you found this episode
48:43
insightful guys uh today we talked about
48:49
just some of the devaluing strategies The Narcissist uses to bring you under
48:54
their control and to make themselves feel powerful we talked about
49:00
gaslighting we talked about isolation and we talked about such
49:07
things as Financial abuse which makes you feel absolutely powerless and unable
49:17
to leave so don't forget to subscribe to this channel guys on your favorite
49:23
platform Apple Spotify YouTube uh you will find it on just about every
49:28
platform there is and of course follow me on Facebook uh Tik Tock Instagram all
49:36
the links are below YouTube and of course if you'd like to have a one-on-one counseling session with me no
49:43
matter where you are in the world uh please just go to my website link and I would love to be able to support you and
49:51
of course don't forget to get your copy of my bestselling book fake love
49:58
understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse and if you're wondering what you can do to support
50:05
this channel the best thing you can do is to share share share uh sharing is
50:11
caring and of course leave a review ratings and and reviews matter and I
50:18
would love to hear your thoughts around your favorite episodes on that note it's
50:25
bye from me for now you will be hearing
50:30
some amazing episodes coming up with some fantastic guests and I'm going to
50:36
leave those as a surprise for you and of course until the next episode
50:44
remember you are worthy of so much love and you are certainly worthy of a whole
50:51
lot more than a lifetime of fake love and flying monkey yes



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