.jpg)
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder, causes the narcissist to engage in what is known as narcissistic abuse. This type of abuse encompasses emotional abuse, verbal abuse, coercive control and psychological abuse, which are covert forms of domestic violence that make the victim feel crazy. It impacts the mental health of every victim. It can also involve physical abuse. If you have a narcissist in your life then you also have their flying monkeys!
In this podcast, leading expert and specialist trauma informed counselor Nova Gibson, offers concise, empowering advice on navigating, escaping, and healing from the narcissist, and their flying monkey's insidious forms of domestic abuse. Nova’s expertise in identifying behaviours of narcissistic abusers, such as coercive control, gaslighting, and trauma bonding, is invaluable for those in toxic relationships.
Whether the covert narcissist, or overt narcissist is an intimate partner engaging in intimate partner violence, a friend, parent, or colleague, the life-changing insights from Nova and her guests will support your healing journey back to self care and self love, and to address the inevitable ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder).
Nova is director, founder and principle counselor at Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service. She is also the best-selling author of the globally acclaimed 'Fake Love - Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse'. HarperCollins.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Surviving workplace narcissists and psychopaths.
Toxic People at Work - Surviving Narcissists and Psychopaths in the Workplace.
A toxic workplace, a narcissistic boss, workplace bullying and covert measures of abuse that make your life hell!
What do you when this is your job, you can't leave, and you spend more time with these people than you do with your family?
In this fascinating episode I talk with David Gillespie, the Author of 'Toxic at Work - Surviving Your Psychopathic Workmates from the Dominant Boss to the Charming Manipulators', to answer this question.
For more episodes like this, make sure you hit that subscribe button on your favourite podcast platform! (and while you're there, please leave us a rating and a review if you enjoyed this episode. Nova <3)
And FYI….
You can book an online therapy session with me, or book me to speak at your event here
You can purchase a copy of my book ‘Fake Love – Understanding and Healing from narcissistic Abuse’ here
Join the private Facebook discussion group here
Join me on instagram here
Join me on TikTok at @nova_gibson
Nova xx
Thankyou so much for listening!
Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.
If you would like to make an appointment for individual counselling with me , please visit my website at ,Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service , or email me at nova.pollard123gmail.com
To order a copy of my book - Fake love please click Here
or simply go directly to Amazon
I looove creating these episodes, but they do take time. If you'd like to support me to continue creating more podcast episodes, then please click here to .Buy me a coffee
Nova: Today, I have the privilege of speaking with David Gillespie, and we’re diving into the complex and often emotionally charged topic of narcissistic abuse. David, thank you for joining me.
David Gillespie: It’s my pleasure, Nova. I’m glad we can shed some light on this subject, especially considering how damaging it can be to those who experience it.
Nova: Absolutely. I think a good starting point is with the smear campaign, which is one of the most devastating tactics a narcissist can use. It really wreaks havoc on a victim’s life. How would you describe a smear campaign?
David Gillespie: A smear campaign is essentially an orchestrated effort by the narcissist to ruin someone’s reputation. They’ll spread lies, half-truths, and even outright fabrications to friends, family, colleagues—really anyone who will listen. The goal is to isolate and discredit their target, making it hard for the victim to gain support or even defend themselves.
Nova: That sounds absolutely horrifying. It must feel like you're fighting a battle on all fronts with little support. Why do narcissists resort to this?
David Gillespie: Narcissists thrive on control. When they sense that they’re losing their grip on someone—whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, or colleague—they launch a smear campaign as a way to regain that control. It’s a form of punishment for trying to break free from their influence. It also distracts others from recognizing the narcissist’s true nature.
Nova: That’s a scary realization. What’s even scarier, I think, is how convincing they can be. They seem to have a way of pulling people onto their side. How do they manage that?
David Gillespie: Narcissists are incredibly charismatic. They can be charming, even seemingly compassionate when it suits them. They manipulate emotions and create narratives that paint them as the victim. So when they begin spreading misinformation, they’ve already laid the groundwork for people to believe them. It’s a calculated and deliberate effort.
Nova: It’s so destructive. I imagine it leaves the real victim feeling completely isolated and unsupported. What advice do you give to someone going through this?
David Gillespie: First, it’s crucial to recognize that you don’t have to engage. The narcissist wants you to react—that’s how they maintain control. By not giving them the reaction they seek, you start to regain some of your power. Focus on your support system—those who truly know you. It’s tough, but staying calm and keeping your distance can go a long way.
Nova: That’s such an important point, and it brings me to the next question. How do you manage the emotional toll of being on the receiving end of a smear campaign?
David Gillespie: It’s incredibly difficult. The emotional toll is immense because these campaigns hit at the core of who you are. The best thing you can do is work on grounding yourself in the truth of who you are. Surround yourself with supportive people who validate your reality. Therapy can be a great tool for processing the trauma of a smear campaign, and finding ways to protect your peace is crucial.
Nova: I think there’s a misconception that you have to “win” in a smear campaign. But, in reality, isn’t the goal more about protecting yourself rather than fighting back?
David Gillespie: Exactly. The idea of winning or proving yourself to others plays into the narcissist’s game. The real victory comes when you can detach emotionally and protect your well-being. Your peace is more important than trying to correct every lie or distortion. It’s about reclaiming your life and not letting their toxic influence dictate how you live.
Nova: That’s empowering to hear. You can reclaim your life, even in the midst of such a personal attack. What should people focus on during this process?
David Gillespie: Focus on healing and rebuilding. Understand that you don’t need everyone to believe your side of the story—you only need a few key people who know the truth. Narcissists thrive on drama, so if you refuse to engage in it, they’ll eventually seek it elsewhere. Healing might involve setting new boundaries, finding new coping strategies, or even rebuilding parts of your life from scratch, but it’s all worth it for your well-being.
Nova: It’s such an important reminder that your well-being is the top priority. As we close this conversation, is there any final advice you’d like to share with our listeners who may be struggling with this right now?
David Gillespie: Remember that this isn’t a reflection of who you are—it’s a reflection of the narcissist’s need for control. You can rise above this by focusing on your truth, maintaining your integrity, and seeking out those who will support you no matter what. You’re stronger than you think, and you deserve to live free from the toxic influence of someone else’s manipulations.
Nova: Thank you so much, David. This conversation has been eye-opening and filled with hope for those who might feel trapped in these situations.
David Gillespie: Thank you for having me, Nova. I’m glad to be able to contribute to this important discussion.