Framed - Women in Family Court Underworld with Dr Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko.

Framed by the Family Court.https://www.amazon.com.au/Fake-Love-Understanding-Healing-Narcissistic


In their book "Framed  - Women in the Family Court Underworld ", Dr. Christine and Amy Polacko expose the disturbing realities within the family court system. In this episode, they discuss their new book FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld which highlights the struggles of mothers facing coercive control and narcissistic abuse. Learn how abusers manipulate the system and why family court often fails to protect victims. Tune in for an eye-opening conversation that aims to inspire change and support those impacted by these injustices. 


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Transcript

The Broken Family Court System

Interview with Dr Christine and Amy Polacko about their amazing book 
"Framed : Women in the Family Court Underworld".

Host: Amy, Christine, thank you for joining us today. There's a lot of important ground to cover regarding how the family court system is failing victims of abuse, particularly in high-conflict divorce cases where abuse, coercive control, and power imbalances are prevalent. I'd like to start by addressing the shocking statistics about how many cases even make it to court. Amy, you mentioned earlier that only about 4% of these cases go to trial. Could you expand on that?

Amy: Yes, that’s correct. From what I understand, only about 4% to 6% of cases actually go to court, which means that the vast majority—roughly 96%—are resolved outside the court system. But for that small percentage that does make it to trial, there's often a power imbalance involved. There’s usually an abuser and a victim, which makes it even more critical for those judges and the system itself to fully understand the type of abuse being presented—often coercive control or narcissistic abuse.

Christine: That's absolutely right. In the U.S., the numbers are about the same—around 5% of cases go to trial, with most being settled. One of the experts I interviewed for Ms. Magazine, Susan Zor, who is a Canadian attorney, said that judges often find it easier to believe that women are "crazy" rather than accept that many men could be abusive. This reflects a larger societal problem that comes from misogyny, and judges often fall into these stereotypes rather than recognizing the abuse patterns in front of them.

The System’s Blind Spot: High Conflict or High Abuse?

Host: It sounds like one of the biggest challenges is that these cases get mislabeled as "high conflict" when in reality, one party is an abuser and the other is a victim responding to that abuse. Could you explain more about this mislabeling?

Amy: Exactly. What is often called "high conflict" is typically just a reflection of one person being abusive, while the other is reacting to that abuse. Many people, including judges, view the relationship as a back-and-forth, tip-for-tat conflict when, in reality, it's much more one-sided. The abuse gets mislabeled as mutual conflict, which is misleading and incredibly damaging to the victim.

Christine: Right, and one of the terms that gets thrown around a lot is "reactive abuse." It’s a term I try to pivot away from because it's misleading. Victims are often reacting to years of abuse, and instead of being framed as reacting in self-defense, they get labeled as abusers themselves. I like to frame it as "self-defense" rather than reactive abuse, because when you've been trapped and mistreated for so long, your reactions aren’t unprovoked; they’re a form of defending yourself. The problem is, the system doesn’t see it that way.

Lack of Understanding in the Family Court System

Host: This seems like a systemic issue where the courts simply don’t understand coercive control or the realities of narcissistic abuse. Do you think the issue is a lack of education, or is it something deeper?

Christine: Both. Yes, there’s a severe lack of education about domestic abuse and coercive control, but there’s also a reluctance to change. Judges, lawyers, and other court professionals often don’t want to admit they’ve been getting it wrong for so long. I mean, think about it—when was the last time a judge or a lawyer took a class on domestic abuse? Most of them haven’t.

Amy: And there’s this assumption that "50/50 parenting" is always the best outcome, which isn’t necessarily true. A child is better off with one safe, healthy parent than being exposed to an abuser. But the court system has this built-in bias where they assume both parents are equally fit, even when there’s clear evidence of abuse.

The Exploitation of Children in Family Court

Host: Christine, you’ve talked a lot about how children get caught in this system, which is essentially trafficking them from one abusive environment to another. Can you expand on that?

Christine: Absolutely. The court system often prioritizes the rights of the parents over the safety of the child. In many cases, children are being forced to go back and forth between parents, even when one parent is abusive. We live in a society that assumes 50/50 parenting is the goal, but children should have the right to safety, and sometimes that means they’re better off with one parent rather than splitting time between both, especially if one parent is abusive.

Amy: Exactly. We hear stories every day from mothers whose children are terrified to go to the abuser's house, but if they refuse to send them, they risk being accused of "parental alienation." It's heartbreaking, and it's a form of coercive control that continues through the court system.

Professional Collusion and Lack of Accountability

Host: You’ve both mentioned how professionals in the court system—lawyers, judges, mediators—collude to protect their own interests rather than the interests of the victims. How does this collusion play out?

Amy: Unfortunately, many professionals in the system prioritize their careers over doing the right thing. I’ve heard from victims whose lawyers admitted they wouldn’t "die on a hill" for them because they didn’t want to ruin their relationship with the judge. So, the lawyers won't push for new laws or even use existing ones because they don’t want to upset the court. It’s really a kind of old boys' network, and sadly, even women professionals participate in it to protect their careers.

Christine: And it’s not just lawyers—it’s also mediators and family evaluators. Their reports are often taken as gospel by judges, and if those professionals don’t understand coercive control or narcissistic abuse, then their reports are going to be flawed. But judges defer to those reports to avoid being held accountable if something goes wrong. There’s no real incentive for anyone in the system to change.

The Global Epidemic of Family Court Failures

Host: So, this isn’t just an issue isolated to one country or one legal system. It sounds like this is a global problem. What are your thoughts on that?

Amy: It’s absolutely a global epidemic. Everywhere from Australia to Canada to the U.S., victims of domestic abuse are being failed by the system. And it’s not just a failure to understand abuse—it’s a systemic failure where abusers are being rewarded for their actions, and victims are being punished for reacting to the abuse.

Christine: We want people to understand that this is not just about a few bad judges or lawyers. This is an entire system that’s broken, and it needs a massive overhaul. We’ve got laws on the books that are over 100 years old, protecting judges from accountability. This kind of judicial immunity makes it nearly impossible to hold anyone accountable when things go wrong.

Get Angry, Demand Change

Host: It’s clear that change is desperately needed. What can listeners do to help make that change happen?

Amy: Get angry—but direct that anger productively. Write to your local politicians, demand accountability, and push for laws that protect victims, not abusers. The system isn’t going to change on its own. It’s going to take pressure from all of us to demand better for victims and their children.

Christine: I echo that. This is about protecting future generations. If we don’t address these systemic issues, the cycle of abuse is just going to continue. Our book Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld is meant to shine a light on these issues, but it's only the first step. We need a movement behind this.

Host: Thank you both, Amy and Christine, for sharing your insights. Your book, Framed, sounds like a must-read for anyone navigating the family court system or even considering it. To all our listeners, this issue is affecting women, children, and families globally. Get involved, stay informed, and let’s push for the change that is so desperately needed.