Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Narcissist's weird texting habits
When a narcissist begins to devalue you their texting habits will change dramatically. From abrupt changes in tone to love-bombing through text messages, we analyse the key patterns that make communication with a narcissist so confusing and unsettling. Learn how their erratic messaging is part of a broader manipulation strategy, and gain valuable insights into protecting your emotional well-being. Tune in for expert advice on recognising and managing a narcissist’s texting behaviour. Perfect for anyone seeking to understand and navigate the complexities of narcissistic communication.
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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
The Narcissist’s Phone Habits: Texting, Control, and Manipulation
Narcissists and their phones are inseparable, and for good reason. Their phone isn’t just a means of communication; it's a vital tool they use to control and manipulate. Whether it’s constant contact with their various sources of supply or a key instrument in their smear campaigns and emotional abuse, narcissists use their phones strategically. In this blog, we’ll break down some of the weird and manipulative texting habits of narcissists and explore how they use these tactics to control their victims.
Nonstop Love-Bombing: Over-the-Top Texts
In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists engage in a tactic known as "love bombing." This involves overwhelming their target with constant attention, compliments, and affection. Narcissists use text messages as their primary weapon to keep you hooked. They’ll text you every morning with affectionate greetings like "Good morning, my prince/princess," and never leave you waiting for a response. They create the illusion of reliability and trustworthiness through these nonstop messages. You feel special, wanted, and adored.
But make no mistake—this bombardment of attention is calculated. It’s designed to make you dependent on their validation. This phase of constant texting is all about pulling you into their web. As you become more emotionally invested, the narcissist gains more control over you. This is just the beginning of a long game of manipulation.
Silent Treatment and Control: Texting as Punishment
Once the honeymoon phase ends, a narcissist’s texting habits shift dramatically. You might be busy at work, in a meeting, or running errands, and you don’t reply to their message immediately. The narcissist views this as a personal slight, a direct attack on their ego. Their response? Passive-aggressive question marks. First, they’ll send one question mark, then two, and eventually, they escalate.
When you finally respond, you’re met with anger, and you find yourself justifying why you couldn’t reply immediately. The narcissist has conditioned you to feel guilt and fear their reactions, leading you to keep your phone close at all times. You’re not afraid of missing their texts because you want to chat; you’re afraid of the silent treatment or the emotional punishment that will come if you don’t respond fast enough.
Hot and Cold: Emotional Whiplash Through Texts
One of the most confusing aspects of a narcissist’s texting behaviour is the emotional rollercoaster they subject their victims to. In one moment, they’re texting you sweet nothings, proclaiming their love and how they can’t live without you. In the next, they’re berating you with insults, calling you names, or simply ignoring your emotions.
This hot-and-cold pattern isn’t random—it’s intentional. Narcissists thrive on the chaos and confusion they create. By keeping you guessing, they maintain control over your emotions. You never know if the next message will be affectionate or abusive, and this uncertainty leaves you constantly seeking their approval. It’s all part of their psychological manipulation, designed to keep you off balance and under their control.
Hoovering: The Return of the Random Text
Narcissists are infamous for hoovering—attempts to suck you back into the relationship after a period of silence or discard. One common method they use is the random text message. After weeks or even months of no contact, they’ll send you a seemingly innocent message like "Happy birthday, I was thinking of you" or "I just wanted to check in."
These texts are designed to make you question whether they’ve changed or still care. Another classic hoovering tactic is sending a "mistaken" message meant for someone else, such as "I had an amazing time last night." The goal is to make you jealous and re-engage with them. It’s all part of their game to regain control and keep you emotionally entangled.
Fake Emergencies: Playing on Your Empathy
Narcissists know how to exploit your kindness and empathy. One of their favourite texting tricks is sending a message about a fake emergency or crisis. For example, they might send a message saying, "My mother passed away, and I know how close you were to her. I thought you should know." Even though they’ve discarded you and told you to stay away from their life, they suddenly want you to be there for them in their time of need.
This tactic plays on your sense of guilt and compassion, making you feel like you’re the only one who understands them. It’s another form of manipulation designed to get you back into their clutches.
The Hook-and-Ditch: Texting on Dating Apps
If you’ve met a narcissist through a dating app, you might have experienced the hook-and-ditch tactic. They’ll match with you, start an intense texting relationship, and make you feel like you’re about to meet the person of your dreams. They’re charming, engaged, and eager to meet you in person. But just as you’re planning to meet up, they disappear.
You’re left staring at your phone, wondering why they haven’t texted back. Days or even weeks later, they’ll send a casual message like, "Sorry, I’ve been really busy." The narcissist uses this hook-and-ditch technique to keep you waiting, making their eventual return feel like a reward. It’s another form of intermittent reinforcement, which keeps you emotionally invested despite their clear lack of respect for your time and feelings.
Intermittent Reinforcement: Keeping You Hooked
Intermittent reinforcement is a classic psychological tactic used by narcissists. It’s the process of providing unpredictable rewards, which keeps the victim constantly chasing the narcissist’s approval. In texting, this manifests as sporadic, random messages after periods of silence or neglect. The narcissist knows that by withholding attention and then giving it in small doses, they can keep you emotionally hooked.
This behaviour is not accidental. Narcissists carefully plan their texting patterns to create dependency. They know that after a period of emotional starvation, even a simple "Hey, I miss you" can trigger feelings of relief and joy in their victim. This cycle of neglect and reward is one of the most damaging aspects of a relationship with a narcissist.
Breaking Free: Recognising the Manipulation
It’s important to recognise that none of these texting behaviours are "quirks" or "just the way they are." Narcissists use their phones and text messages as weapons of control and manipulation. What might seem like random or weird texting habits are actually part of a deliberate strategy to confuse, control, and dominate you.
If you find yourself constantly anxious about their texts, waiting for their replies, or justifying their erratic behaviour, it’s time to step back and assess the situation. A healthy relationship doesn’t involve emotional whiplash, guilt, or fear of punishment. Recognising these red flags is the first step towards breaking free from a narcissist’s control.
Final Thoughts
Texting might seem like a casual form of communication, but in the hands of a narcissist, it becomes a powerful tool of manipulation. From love-bombing to emotional blackmail, narcissists use their phones to maintain control over their victims. If any of these texting behaviours sound familiar, it’s crucial to recognise them for what they are—tactics of abuse and control.