Healing from Narcissistic Abuse through Habit Change - with Dr Gina Cleo

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse through Habit Change with Dr Gina Cleo.

In this episode we explore how changing ingrained habits can accelerate recovery from narcissistic abuse. Dr Gina, a world expert in Habit Change explains how toxic patterns often reinforce the psychological damage inflicted by a narcissist. By shifting these negative habits, survivors can regain control, foster emotional resilience, and rebuild self-worth. This episode provides actionable, research-based strategies for breaking free from trauma bonds, creating healthy routines, and establishing a mindset that supports long-term healing. Listen now for professional insights on reclaiming your identity and thriving beyond narcissistic abuse.

For Zoom counselling support in your narcissistic abuse recovery available worldwide, please visit my website below. 
 Nova 🌻
 www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au 
 
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  Nova xx

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Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.

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Transcript

Nova Gibson (Host):
"Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys. I’m your host, Nova Gibson, and today we have an incredibly special episode lined up for you. I’m honoured to be speaking with someone who has not only built an impressive career but has also gone through the life-shattering experience of narcissistic abuse. Dr. Gina Cleo is with us today. For those of you who don’t know, Gina is one of the world’s leading experts on habit change and well-being. She holds a Ph.D. in habit change, is an adjunct professor at Bond University, and has an academic background in Health Sciences, Sports Science, Nutrition, and Dietetics. Gina’s research has been published in top-tier medical journals, and she has been featured in over 200 news outlets, including Australia’s major TV networks.

Earlier this year, she released her debut book, The Habit Revolution, which has quickly become a bestseller. But today, Gina isn’t just here to talk about her professional achievements—she’s also here to share her deeply personal story of surviving narcissistic abuse. Her experience is going to resonate with so many of you who have been through similar trauma. Dr. Gina, welcome, and thank you so much for joining us."

Dr. Gina Cleo (Guest):
"Thank you, Nova. I’m really happy to be here, and that was such a kind introduction."

Nova:
"My pleasure! You’ve done so much incredible work in the field of habit change and well-being, but you’ve also been through the dark journey of narcissistic abuse yourself. I know our listeners would love to hear about your new book, The Habit Revolution, and the incredible work you're doing. But before we get into that, can you share your personal story with us? How did you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, and what was your experience like?"

Gina:
"Of course, Nova. It’s a story I’m all too familiar with now, but at the time, I had no idea what I was dealing with. I met this man about 10 years ago, and from the start, it felt like a whirlwind romance. We had such strong chemistry, and we quickly built a life together. We bought a house, got a dog, had these dream jobs, and we travelled together. Everything seemed like a fairy tale, but in reality, I was being slowly and carefully manipulated.

Things really started to change about six months before our wedding, which was supposed to happen during the COVID lockdowns. I remember him becoming emotionally distant, almost like a different person. He was physically present, but it was like I couldn’t connect with him anymore. I’d be sitting next to him, but it felt like he was a million miles away. I thought maybe it was just the stress of the pandemic, but in hindsight, that was when the mask started to slip."

Nova:
"It’s so interesting how the devaluation phase often coincides with major life events, like weddings. It’s almost like the narcissist feels the impending commitment and starts pulling away. What happened next?"

Gina:
"Exactly! That’s something I’ve come to understand much more clearly now. But at the time, I was confused. I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, or that he was just stressed. Then one day, I was in the kitchen baking, and his computer was open. His phone was synced to the computer, and I accidentally saw a text message pop up. I wasn’t snooping or anything, but it was right there in front of me. He was arranging to meet with a prostitute. My heart just stopped. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was like my world crumbled in that single moment."

Nova:
"Oh, Gina, I can’t even imagine the shock. To discover something like that so unexpectedly… How did you even begin to process what you saw?"

Gina:
"I honestly didn’t. At first, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I kept thinking it had to be a mistake. Maybe he had been hacked, or maybe there was some explanation that I wasn’t seeing. But the reality started to sink in quickly. I went into detective mode. I started going through his phone, emails, bank statements—everything I could get my hands on. And what I found was devastating. There were hundreds of messages with different women, dating back years. He had been living a double life, and I had no idea."

Nova:
"That level of betrayal is so incredibly painful. Narcissists are so good at maintaining their facade, and it sounds like he had a well-curated image."

Gina:
"Yes, and that’s what made it so hard to accept. Everyone around him adored him. He was known as 'The Saint.' He was always helping people, always going above and beyond for others—even my own family thought he was wonderful. So when I discovered this, I kept trying to rationalise it. I thought maybe he had some kind of addiction or something external was driving him to behave this way. I was desperately trying to make sense of it. That’s when the cognitive dissonance really set in. I couldn’t reconcile the man I loved with the man who was doing these things behind my back."

Nova:
"And that’s such a common experience in narcissistic abuse. Victims are often caught in this loop of cognitive dissonance, trying to reconcile two versions of the same person. How did you confront him about what you found?"

Gina:
"I confronted him that very night. I showed him the messages and asked him to explain. And you know what? He lied straight to my face. He made up some elaborate story, claiming that he didn’t actually go through with it, that he loved me too much to do something like that. But I had all the proof in front of me. Still, I didn’t want to believe it. I was so desperate to fix things. We even talked about going to therapy, and for a brief moment, I thought we could salvage the relationship."

Nova:
"That’s the trauma bond at work, isn’t it? Even when you have all the evidence of betrayal, you’re still emotionally hooked."

Gina:
"Absolutely. The trauma bond is so powerful. Even after everything I found, I was still clinging to the hope that we could work through it. But then, 24 hours after I gave him another chance, he was seen with another woman. That was the moment I realised just how deep the gaslighting had been. He had been lying and manipulating me the entire time."

Nova:
"Gaslighting is such a hallmark of narcissistic abuse. They make you question your own reality, even when the truth is staring you in the face. How did you begin to heal after that?"

Gina:
"It was a long, difficult process. I didn’t find my anger right away. In fact, it took me almost a year of therapy to really tap into that anger. My therapist helped me see that his lies weren’t just mistakes—they were intentional. He was deliberately manipulating me, and that was my 'mic drop' moment. I remember the first time I felt real anger. I went to the gym, put on my boxing gloves, and just unleashed on the punching bag. It was such a cathartic release. That was the turning point for me."

Nova:
"That’s such a powerful moment. So many victims of narcissistic abuse struggle to find their anger because they’re still stuck in that cycle of trying to rationalise the abuse. But once you tap into that anger, it can be incredibly empowering. How did your life change after that?"

Gina:
"Once I allowed myself to feel that anger, everything shifted. I no longer felt confused or trapped in that cycle of trying to explain away his behaviour. I realised that I could build a life without him, and I didn’t need to make excuses for his actions anymore. I finally saw his manipulation for what it was—intentional, deliberate, and toxic. Reclaiming my power was life-changing. It wasn’t easy, but it was the start of my healing journey."

Nova:
"That’s such an important message for anyone listening who’s still stuck in a similar situation. Narcissistic abuse is insidious, but there is hope. And hearing your story, Gina, will give so many people the strength to start their own healing journey. Thank you for sharing it with us today."

Gina:
"Thank you, Nova. I really hope my story helps someone out there who feels trapped and alone. There is a way out, and it’s possible to heal."

Nova:
"Absolutely. And to our listeners, remember—narcissistic abuse can happen to anyone, even someone as accomplished and intelligent as Dr. Gina Cleo. But there is a way out, and there is life after abuse. Stay tuned for more episodes, and don’t forget to check out Gina’s book, The Habit Revolution, which delves into habit change and well-being. Thank you again, Gina."