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Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder, causes the narcissist to engage in what is known as narcissistic abuse. This type of abuse encompasses emotional abuse, verbal abuse, coercive control and psychological abuse, which are covert forms of domestic violence that make the victim feel crazy. It impacts the mental health of every victim. It can also involve physical abuse. If you have a narcissist in your life then you also have their flying monkeys!
In this podcast, leading expert and specialist trauma-informed counsellor Nova Gibson, offers concise, empowering advice on navigating, escaping, and healing from the narcissist, and their flying monkey's insidious forms of domestic abuse.
Nova’s expertise in identifying behaviours of narcissistic abusers, such as coercive control, gaslighting, and trauma bonding, is invaluable for those in toxic relationships.
Whether the covert narcissist, or overt narcissist is an intimate partner engaging in intimate partner violence, a friend, parent, or colleague, the life-changing insights from Nova and her guests will support your healing journey back to self care and self love, and to address the inevitable ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder).
Nova is director, founder and principle counselor at Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service. She is also the best-selling author of the globally acclaimed 'Fake Love - Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse'. HarperCollins.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Family Court allows Abusers to Manipulate the System - Evelyn Hemphill tells us how the Family Court failed her, and her child
Family Court allows Abusers to Manipulate the System - Evelyn tells us how the Family Court failed her, and her child.
In this episode, we sit down with Evelyn, who shares her heartbreaking experience of how the Family Court system allowed her abuser to manipulate the legal process. Evelyn opens up about the emotional and legal struggles she faced, the lack of support, and how her abuser used the court to continue their control, culminating in her losing custody of her child. If you're navigating the Family Court or wondering how to protect yourself and your child from an abusive ex, this episode sheds light on the failures in the system and offers vital advice on what to watch out for.
Don’t miss this eye-opening conversation on how the Family Court can sometimes fail those it’s meant to protect.
For Zoom counselling support in your narcissistic abuse recovery available worldwide, please visit my website below.
Nova 🌻
www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au
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Nova xx
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Thankyou so much for listening!
Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.
If you would like to make an appointment for individual counselling with me , please visit my website at ,Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service , or email me at nova.pollard123gmail.com
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Nova: Today’s guest is a survivor of domestic violence. Her name is Evelyn, and I’m mentioning her name because she’s out there, advocating for other victims. I'm incredibly grateful to have Evelyn here to share her story. Evelyn, welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys. Thank you so much for joining me.
Evelyn: Thank you for allowing me to be part of your platform.
Nova: My absolute pleasure. Evelyn, I could speak to you for hours about your story—what you went through as a teenager, a child, and how it all led to where you are today. But today, you really wanted to talk about your experience with the family court system. Now, obviously, you’re in the US, and I’m in Australia, so there may be some differences in laws and legislation depending on where you are. But Evelyn, please, the floor is yours. Tell us your story.
Evelyn: My name is Evelyn Hill, also known as Evelyn the Advocate. I’m a domestic violence survivor and an activist. My first experience with domestic violence was as a teenager, and I didn’t fully understand what was happening. Later, as an adult, I found myself in another abusive relationship, mainly because I was uneducated and unaware of the signs of domestic violence. It wasn’t something people talked about openly. I ended up getting married, went through a divorce, and had a child. Unfortunately, my child became involved in the court case, and much of the evidence of domestic violence against me was suppressed by the family court here in the States.
Nova: Suppressed? Can you explain what that means in your case? And more importantly, why?
Evelyn: Honestly, I still don’t know why. I paid my attorneys, but they didn’t present the evidence of domestic violence to the court.
Nova: Wow. Can you give us some background on the relationship, the nature of the abuse, and what it was like trying to seek support from your lawyers and the court?
Evelyn: I had four different lawyers. In my state, I had to pay for legal representation, but none of them really represented me. I went through emotional, mental, and financial abuse during the marriage, but none of that was brought up in court until I became a pro se litigant—representing myself—years later. Even then, it didn’t help.
Nova: That must have been devastating. What was the outcome?
Evelyn: I lost everything—custody of my child, over $100,000, and years of my life. I was victimized not just by my abuser but by the legal system as well.
Nova: I’ve heard this too often. There’s a lack of awareness around coercive control and narcissistic abuse in the courts, but sometimes it feels like they just ignore it altogether.
Evelyn: Absolutely. When it comes to victims of domestic violence, it’s often ignored.
Nova: What was their reasoning for taking your child away?
Evelyn: I stepped outside of the abusive marriage and had an affair. That was all the court focused on—nothing about the abuse, just the affair.
Nova: So your abuser and his lawyer managed to manipulate the court into focusing on the affair instead of the abuse?
Evelyn: Yes. And I’ve heard many victims say they feel guilty or ashamed for seeking comfort elsewhere, but I tell them that when you’re in an abusive relationship and can’t leave—because of financial constraints, children, lack of confidence, all those things—it’s normal to seek solace from someone who’s kind to you. It’s not about having an affair; it’s about meeting basic human needs that weren’t met at home.
Nova: Exactly. But still, how does that justify removing your child? What does an affair have to do with child protection concerns?
Evelyn: I wasn’t deemed an unfit parent. I worked every day, didn’t drink or do drugs, but that’s why I lost custody. I had to pay my abuser child support and legal fees for years, on top of everything else. In total, I lost over $100,000.
Nova: That’s just heartbreaking. Do you have any contact with your child now?
Evelyn: My child is older now, and while we do have a relationship, it’s often strained because of everything that happened.
Nova: That’s such a long-lasting impact, isn’t it? It’s not just about losing the court case, it’s about losing the bond with your child, and that affects both of you for life.
Evelyn: Exactly. I never gave up, though. I fought in state court and even filed an appeal, but the damage was done.
Nova: And that’s what I want people to understand. This kind of abuse—through the family court—doesn’t end when you lose custody or the case. The impact on the parent-child relationship can last forever.
Evelyn: Yes, and I also made the mistake of protecting my abuser. I’ve learned that since leaving the relationship. Sometimes victims of domestic violence protect their abusers, and I don’t know why I did it, but I did.
Nova: That’s a normal reaction, Evelyn. It’s irrational given the abuse, but normal given the circumstances—fear, trauma bonds, wanting the abuse to stop. Most victims just want things to end peacefully, even if that means protecting the abuser.
Evelyn: I didn’t want shared custody because I was the primary parent, but the court tried to force me into it. When I said no, I lost custody altogether.
Nova: That’s horrifying. They punished you for trying to protect your child. It’s so common for women in these situations to be painted as vindictive, when in reality they’re just trying to keep their children safe.
Evelyn: Yes, and the system is broken. I advocate now for victims who can’t speak for themselves. I want victims worldwide to know that someone is speaking on their behalf.
Nova: You’re so brave, Evelyn. Can you tell us more about the family court system and how it failed you?
Evelyn: I trusted my attorneys, but they didn’t fight for me. I wish I’d known more about the system at the time. I wasn’t aware of my rights until it was too late.
Nova: So the lawyers were just in it for the money?
Evelyn: I think so. I paid them what they asked, but they didn’t do their jobs. The time to take legal action against them has passed, but that’s why I’m speaking out now.
Nova: It’s heartbreaking. This isn’t just about legalities; it’s about the bond between a parent and their child, and once that’s broken, it’s so hard to repair.
Evelyn: Exactly. And in the States, if you can’t afford legal representation, you’re assigned a lawyer in criminal cases, but not in family court. You’re on your own.
Nova: That’s just cruel. And you were fighting for your life, your child, your future, and you were almost left homeless because of it.
Evelyn: Yes, but I didn’t give up. I fought back, and although I lost a lot, I’m here now to share my story and advocate for others.
Nova: You are such an inspiration, Evelyn. Thank you for sharing your story with us.