Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
5 ways the Narcissist reacts when you reveal they hurt you
Narcissists thrive on power, control and manipulation, and when you try to explain your feelings, they often turn the situation around, making you feel guilty, ashamed, or even questioning your own reality In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, we dive deep into a question that so many victims of narcissistic abuse wrestle with: Should you tell the narcissist how they hurt you? While it might feel like confronting the narcissist could bring you closure, clarity, or even an apology, the reality is often far more damaging.
. In this episode, I explore 5 common reactions narcissists have when confronted, including gaslighting, deflection, and blameshifting.
If Fake Love has helped you, using this Apple Podcasts link is a simple way to support the show! 🙏
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Need Support, Extra Resources? Resources and Online Counseling (worldwide) information Here
Order my book Fake Love – Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse here
You can leave a Rating and a Review here
You Can Share this Podcast here
Join me on FB here
Join the private FB group here
Join me on Instagram here
Join me on YouTube here
Want to support the channel? Please Buy me a coffee ❤️
Thank you for listening!
Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
Should You Tell the Narcissist They Hurt You?
It’s a natural instinct to tell someone when they’ve hurt you, especially in close relationships. But if you’re dealing with a narcissist, this can backfire in ways you might not expect. Let’s break down why telling a narcissist they’ve hurt you isn’t just unproductive—it can actually make things worse.
What We Expect in Healthy Relationships
In healthy relationships, when you express your feelings, you hope the other person will understand and feel sorry for hurting you. You want an apology, maybe some empathy, and for the behaviour to change, right? Often, when people hurt us unintentionally—due to stress or whatever—they genuinely feel bad and want to fix things. In many cases, even couples therapy or open communication can help repair the damage and rebuild trust.
But here's the catch: when you’re dealing with a narcissist, the usual relationship rules don’t apply.
Counseling and Narcissists
Therapy can be helpful in normal relationships, but with narcissists? It’s a whole different story. Narcissists don’t go to therapy to reflect on themselves or improve the relationship. Nope. They’re there for a different reason: to gather information and weaponise it later. They don’t see therapy as a place to heal or grow, but as an opportunity to learn more about your vulnerabilities.
If you tell a narcissist how much they’ve hurt you during therapy, instead of feeling bad about it, they’ll file that information away for future use. What you see as a heart-to-heart moment becomes their ammunition.
Why Sharing Your Hurt Backfires
So, let’s get into what actually happens when you tell a narcissist they’ve hurt you.
1. They Feel Powerful, Not Guilty
In a normal relationship, the person who hurt you would feel remorse. But with a narcissist, it’s the opposite—they feel powerful. Your pain shows them that they have control over your emotions. They thrive on that. The more upset you are, the more in control they feel. Instead of regretting their actions, they get a little ego boost from knowing they caused you pain.
2. They Justify Their Actions
Rather than acknowledging your pain, narcissists believe you had it coming. In their mind, whatever they did to hurt you was justified, whether it’s because you upset them first or they were just in a bad mood. Instead of apologising, they might even laugh it off or tell you that you’re overreacting.
3. They Remember for Later
This is the really dangerous part. When you share your feelings with a narcissist, they store that information away to use against you later. Telling them where you’re vulnerable is like handing them a roadmap to hurt you again in the future—but even worse this time.
4. They Turn It Around on You
Ever had an argument with a narcissist where you tried to explain how they hurt you, and somehow, by the end of it, you’re the one apologising? That’s called DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Narcissists are pros at this. They deny what they did, attack you for bringing it up, and then flip the script to make you the bad guy. Before you know it, you’re apologising for things you didn’t even do!
5. They Feed Off Your Pain
This one is tough to hear. Narcissists are energized by your emotional reactions. When you show them how much they’ve hurt you, it’s like giving them fuel. They thrive on creating chaos and drama because it makes them feel important and powerful. Your pain is their twisted version of validation.
Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation
You might notice that every time you try to express your feelings to a narcissist, they turn the conversation into a confusing mess, leaving you doubting yourself. That’s gaslighting. They’ll twist your words, make you question your reality, and somehow make you feel like you’re the one at fault. Over time, you start to realise it’s easier to just stay quiet, even though that’s exactly what they want.
The Dangers of Writing a Letter
Sometimes people think writing a letter might help, as it lets them get their feelings out on paper. But with a narcissist, this can backfire big time. That heartfelt letter? They’ll use it against you. They’ll either dismiss it, twist your words, or hold onto it for future use in their next manipulation scheme.
Why Disengagement is Key
The harsh truth is that telling a narcissist they’ve hurt you will never lead to the closure or understanding you’re hoping for. Narcissists don’t change because they don’t see their behaviour as the problem—you are. Instead of feeding their need for power by showing them how much they’ve hurt you, the best thing you can do is disengage.
Stop giving them control over your emotions. Focus on building boundaries that protect your well-being. You don’t owe them an explanation or your emotional energy. Save that for people who genuinely care about you and your healing.
Final Thoughts
In a normal relationship, talking about hurt feelings is important for growth and healing. But when it comes to narcissists, it’s just not worth it. They’ll only use your emotions against you, so rather than giving them more power, choose to protect yourself. Setting boundaries, disengaging from their manipulative tactics, and seeking support from those who understand narcissistic abuse is your best strategy.