Narcissists Drive Recklessly to terrorise you!

Narcissists Drive Recklessly to terrorise you!

In this episode, I shed light on a terrifying but often overlooked tactic that narcissists use to dominate and terrorise their victims: Reckless driving. Have you ever found yourself in the passenger seat with someone driving aggressively, not for fun but to make you feel scared or helpless? This is no accident—it’s a deliberate form of control that narcissists use to assert dominance and make you feel powerless. I unpack this dangerous behaviour, explaining how it fits into their broader manipulative patterns. 
If you've ever felt trapped behind the wheel with a narcissist, this episode is a must-listen! 

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Transcript

The Narcissist drives recklessly to terrorise you!

How many of you out there listening to this episode were terrorized by the narcissist in your life while they were behind the wheel? Maybe they drove recklessly, doubling the speed limit, tailgating others, or slamming on the brakes just inches away from the car in front. Perhaps they even pulled over to yell at you or berate you while you sat helpless in the passenger seat.

This kind of experience is terrifying and, like all forms of narcissistic abuse, is about power and control. When you're trapped in that small, confined space—the passenger seat—and maybe even your kids are in the back, you’re completely at their mercy. The narcissist is driving like a maniac, and you’re begging them to stop, to slow down, but nothing works.

What happens in this situation? You give in. Whatever argument or discussion you were trying to have with them goes out the window. The relief you feel when they finally “calm down” or get their way far outweighs any need to hold them accountable. And just like that, they’ve conditioned you to avoid accountability and let them get their way. The fear they instilled while behind the wheel ensures that you won’t stand up to them again anytime soon.

Minimizing Abuse: It’s Not Always About Bruises

Victims of narcissistic abuse often minimize the severity of what they’re going through. You might think, “Well, they’ve never hit me, so I’m not really being abused.” But bruises and broken bones aren’t the only signs of abuse. Narcissists, particularly covert ones, use various psychological and emotional strategies to control and manipulate you.

Silent treatment, stonewalling, ghosting, gaslighting, smear campaigns, and intimidation are just a few of the tactics used. These behaviors might not leave physical scars, but they’re just as damaging. A narcissist might throw something at you, just missing your head, or punch a hole in the wall. They’ll tell you, “I wasn’t going to hit you,” but the fear they instill is real.

This leads to confusion. Society often looks for physical signs of abuse, like bruises or black eyes, to recognize a victim. But many victims of narcissistic abuse don’t have these visible signs. They feel trapped and isolated, and even start to believe they’re to blame for the narcissist’s anger. You might think, “If only I didn’t make them so mad, they wouldn’t act this way.”

When Driving Becomes a Weapon

One common and terrifying tactic of narcissists is to weaponize the car. It becomes a tool to instill fear and maintain control over you. Victims often feel helpless and trapped during these episodes, and that’s exactly what the narcissist wants.

Imagine being in the car with a narcissist who’s driving recklessly—speeding, tailgating, swerving, and ignoring traffic laws—all while you’re sitting beside them in fear. Your kids might be in the back seat, and you’re scared for their safety too. You beg them to stop, to slow down, but they keep pushing the limits. This kind of reckless driving is an abuse of power, designed to make you feel small and powerless.

In many cases, the victim starts to internalize this abuse. You might begin to think, “I deserve this because I made them angry,” or “If I hadn’t brought up that topic, they wouldn’t be driving like this.” The relief you feel when they finally stop the behavior conditions you to avoid these confrontations in the future.

Narcissists Aren’t Just Reckless Drivers—They Can Be Terrifying Passengers Too

It’s not always about the narcissist being the one behind the wheel. Sometimes, they can be just as abusive when they’re in the passenger seat. Maybe the narcissist in your life has an alcohol problem and can’t drive anymore, so you’re the one stuck chauffeuring them around. Even then, they find ways to exert control.

They might criticize your driving, telling you how bad you are or giving you last-minute instructions—“Turn here!”—with no time to react. If you make a mistake or take a wrong turn, they lash out, berating you for not following their orders. In extreme cases, they might grab the steering wheel, pull the handbrake, or even hit you while you’re driving, putting everyone’s safety at risk.

These types of abusive behaviors are not only terrifying but also dangerous. They affect your concentration, making you more likely to get into an accident, and they reinforce the narcissist’s control over you.

The Car Becomes a Source of Trauma

For many victims of narcissistic abuse, the car—once just a mode of transport—becomes a trigger for trauma. After enduring such terrifying experiences behind the wheel, even the thought of getting in a car can induce panic and fear. You might find yourself avoiding driving altogether, and with that comes a loss of freedom.

Driving is something we take for granted. It gives us independence, the ability to go where we want when we want. But when the car becomes a source of trauma, you might lose that freedom. Many victims report having panic attacks while driving, which only worsens the fear. After experiencing one panic attack, the fear of having another becomes overwhelming. You start to avoid driving, and soon, your world shrinks.

You might begin to think, “What’s wrong with me? I’ve driven my whole life, why can’t I do it now?” This leads to even more self-blame and confusion, further exacerbating the trauma caused by the narcissist’s abuse.

Panic Attacks and the Fear of Driving

Panic attacks while driving are common among victims of narcissistic abuse. If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know how terrifying it can be. Your heart races, you start sweating, your hands shake, and you feel like you’re going to pass out. Now imagine that happening while you’re behind the wheel of a car. It’s a situation no one should have to face, but for many victims, it’s all too real.

The fear of having another panic attack keeps victims from getting back in the driver’s seat. They start to lose their independence, their ability to go about their daily lives, and in many cases, their confidence. Driving on highways, going through tunnels, or even crossing train tracks becomes overwhelming. These places feel confining, with no immediate exit, which only intensifies the fear.

Taking Back Control

If any of this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Narcissists use fear, manipulation, and control tactics like these to keep you under their thumb. But the first step in breaking free is recognizing the abuse for what it is. Narcissistic abuse doesn’t always leave physical scars, but it leaves deep emotional wounds. The car, once a symbol of freedom, can become a weapon in the hands of a narcissist, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Healing from this kind of abuse takes time, support, and often professional help. I work with clients all over the world who are recovering from narcissistic abuse, and I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to regain your freedom. Whether it’s reclaiming your ability to drive without fear or learning to set boundaries with a narcissist, recovery is possible.

If you’re struggling with any of this, or if you’d like to talk about your experience, I offer one-on-one counseling sessions via Zoom. You can find the link to my website in the description, and I’d love to support you in your healing journey.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists are experts at controlling their victims, and for many, the car becomes yet another tool of abuse. Whether they’re driving recklessly or manipulating you while you drive, these experiences leave lasting scars. But you don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle of fear and trauma. With the right support, you can break free and take back control of your life.