Does the Narcissist ever Miss you?

Does the Narcissist ever Miss You? 

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “Do they miss me?” even after all the hurt they’ve caused? It’s a question so many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle with — and it can feel impossible to shake. In this episode, I'm diving into why you might still be thinking about them and what’s really behind that nagging question, “Do they miss me?”

I’ll break down why it’s so common to have these lingering thoughts, especially after dealing with a narcissist. From trauma bonds to the need for closure, these feelings often go way deeper than you realise. Plus, we’ll get into what’s really going on when the narcissist reaches out with mixed signals, making you wonder if they care after all.

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Transcript

Do Narcissists Ever Really Miss You? What They Feel After Moving On

When it comes to narcissists, one of the biggest, most heart-wrenching questions that comes up is: “Do they miss me?” It’s one that so many survivors find themselves asking, especially after the relationship has ended or they’ve seen the narcissist move on to someone else. It’s only natural to wonder if they think about you, if they ever regret losing you, or if any of those special moments meant anything to them.

The short answer to “Do narcissists miss you?” might be disappointing, but it’s something we need to explore so you can truly understand what’s going on and finally get on the path to healing. Let’s take a closer look at why they’re unlikely to feel “missing” in the way we’d hope—and why knowing this can be the first step in freeing yourself.

Why Do We Care if a Narcissist Misses Us?

If you’re finding yourself wondering if the narcissist ever misses you, please know that you’re not alone. The question usually has a lot less to do with them than it does with us. This isn’t a judgment, either—it’s part of how we process trauma and how we process the loss of a relationship, especially if you’ve experienced the highs and lows that come with a narcissistic relationship.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they create a kind of attachment called a trauma bond. This bond is built over time through a cycle of idealising, devaluing, and discarding you. The moments when they made you feel special, seen, and adored weren’t random. The narcissist was carefully observing you, figuring out your likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams, and then feeding that back to you to create an illusion of closeness. It’s almost like they’re crafting a character of “the perfect partner” based on your desires, not out of genuine affection. This can make it hard to let go when it’s over, and even harder to shake the feeling that they must miss something.

So, why do we care so much? It’s because those “good times” feel real and special for us. It’s natural to wonder if they’re out there somewhere, thinking back on those times and missing you, too.

The Narcissist’s Concept of “Missing”

But here’s the thing: Narcissists aren’t wired the same way emotionally. They don’t process emotions in a way that creates long-lasting attachments. Think of it this way: when we remember a person or a relationship, we often recall shared experiences, fond memories, or a particular song that sparks nostalgia. We feel an emotional pull back to the person, a twinge of sadness or joy that connects us to those moments.

With narcissists, the emotional attachment isn’t really there. They aren’t capable of forming the deep emotional connections that would lead to true feelings of missing someone. To them, people are more like objects or tools to fulfill specific needs. When they think back on someone, it’s usually about what that person did for them rather than about the person themselves. So when a narcissist “misses” you, it’s likely they miss the supply you provided, not you as an individual.

“Do They Think About Me?”

A common version of this question is, “Do they ever think about me?” The short answer? Maybe, but not in the way you think. They may remember the times you made them feel good, admired them, or did something useful for them. For example, they may think about you if they’re feeling low and need a “boost,” but it’s not because they’re reminiscing in the way that you might.

Imagine a favourite appliance you had that broke. You might remember it when you’re in need of something it used to do. It’s functional, transactional, and not attached to fond memories. When a narcissist remembers you, it’s often about what you did for them—nothing more. They don’t experience that emotional nostalgia.

Trauma Bonds and Why We Feel Attached

If you’re wrestling with the question of whether they miss you, what’s likely happening is that you’re still in the grip of the trauma bond. Trauma bonds form when an abuser cycles between being caring and hurtful, creating a powerful attachment that’s hard to break. You remember the idealised phase and the good times because they were crafted to be memorable.

The narcissist’s constant shifts—love-bombing, then devaluing, and eventually discarding—leave us feeling a need to seek closure or meaning. But narcissists aren’t interested in closure; they move on to new sources of supply, often without looking back, because their emotional experience of relationships is so different from ours. So if you feel like you’re stuck, like you’re struggling to understand why they don’t miss you, it’s often because that trauma bond hasn’t fully broken yet.

The Narcissist Doesn’t See Relationships the Way You Do

One thing that’s tough to swallow is that narcissists see relationships as a means to an end. The significant moments you remember—the laughter, the shared moments, the special milestones—don’t hold emotional weight for them in the same way. It’s not that they forgot; it’s that they never really felt it in the way you did.

To them, those moments were about extracting something from you, not creating a meaningful connection. They don’t “miss” people because they never genuinely bonded. So if they remember you, it’s more likely because they’re thinking of something practical they gained from the relationship, like support or admiration.

What They “Miss” is Their Supply, Not You

In the world of narcissism, the term “supply” gets thrown around a lot, and for good reason. Narcissists use people to meet their needs, whether that’s to provide attention, admiration, money, or even someone to control. When they leave, they often don’t miss you as an individual; they miss what you provided. If they’re struggling with their new supply—maybe the new person isn’t as devoted or as attentive as you were—they may remember you in that context.

But that’s very different from genuinely missing you. They don’t want you back because they care; they may want you back because you filled a role for them. If they reach out, it’s often because their needs aren’t being met elsewhere. They aren’t longing for you; they’re craving what you gave them.

The Difference Between Your Grief and Theirs

The heartbreak you’re feeling is real and raw because you bonded with them in a way they never did. The grieving process is particularly painful after a narcissistic relationship because you’re mourning the loss of the person you thought they were. You invested your time, your energy, and your love, and now you’re realising it wasn’t reciprocated in the way you hoped.

Your grief is also tied to the loss of dreams, of the future you envisioned together. You’re mourning the person they pretended to be, the “perfect” partner they once presented. Narcissists don’t mourn this way because, for them, it was just a role they played to gain what they wanted. When they move on, they often do so without that kind of grief because they never truly attached.

Moving Beyond Needing Closure

Closure is something many people seek after any relationship, but especially after narcissistic ones. You might think that if you could just know that they miss you, you’d feel validated, that everything you went through would feel “worth it.” But waiting for a narcissist to provide closure or validation is like waiting for a wave that will never come. They aren’t capable of giving you what you need to heal.

In fact, the real closure comes from within, from recognising that the narcissist will never look back with the same emotional attachment you have. They’ve moved on because they never formed the bond in the way you did. Once you accept that, you’re free to focus on healing and letting go of that trauma bond.

A Final Thought: Focus on Your Healing, Not on What They’re Feeling

As hard as it may be to accept, the narcissist isn’t out there thinking about you in the way you hope. They don’t miss you like a person who loves you would. They might think about you when they’re low on supply, but only because they need something from you, not because they genuinely care.

The journey to healing begins when you start focusing on yourself. Instead of wondering if they miss you, put that energy into rebuilding your life. The more you focus on your own happiness, your goals, and your freedom from their manipulation, the less power they have over you. You’ll reach a point where you no longer care if they’re thinking about you. And when that happens, you’ll be truly free.

It takes time to heal, and that’s okay. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, but remember that every day you’re one step closer to leaving the past—and the narcissist—behind. That’s where your real freedom and peace lie.