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Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder, causes the narcissist to engage in what is known as narcissistic abuse. This type of abuse encompasses emotional abuse, verbal abuse, coercive control and psychological abuse, which are covert forms of domestic violence that make the victim feel crazy. It impacts the mental health of every victim. It can also involve physical abuse. If you have a narcissist in your life then you also have their flying monkeys!
In this podcast, leading expert and specialist trauma-informed counsellor Nova Gibson, offers concise, empowering advice on navigating, escaping, and healing from the narcissist, and their flying monkey's insidious forms of domestic abuse.
Nova’s expertise in identifying behaviours of narcissistic abusers, such as coercive control, gaslighting, and trauma bonding, is invaluable for those in toxic relationships.
Whether the covert narcissist, or overt narcissist is an intimate partner engaging in intimate partner violence, a friend, parent, or colleague, the life-changing insights from Nova and her guests will support your healing journey back to self care and self love, and to address the inevitable ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder).
Nova is director, founder and principle counselor at Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service. She is also the best-selling author of the globally acclaimed 'Fake Love - Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse'. HarperCollins.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
5 things Narcissists Fear the Most!
5 Things Narcissists Fear the Most!
In this episode I pull back the curtain on the hidden fears that narcissists don’t want you to know about. Despite their outward confidence and need for control, narcissists are often deeply afraid of specific things that threaten their carefully crafted personas. I discuss why "exposure" terrifies the narcissist. I also explore their intense fear of "being alone."
Don’t miss this episode—it could change how you understand the narcissist in your life!
For Zoom counselling support in your narcissistic abuse recovery available worldwide, please visit my website below.
Nova 🌻
www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au
If you found this episode informative, I would absolutely love it if you could rate this podcast, leave a review, and please share, Share, SHARE! Help to spread awareness around Narcissistic Abuse, so there's more support and justice for survivors!
Nova xx
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Thankyou so much for listening!
Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.
If you would like to make an appointment for individual counselling with me , please visit my website at ,Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service , or email me at nova.pollard123gmail.com
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What Scares Narcissists the Most? Understanding Their Biggest Fears
If you’ve ever had the misfortune of dealing with a narcissist, you know how unpredictable, manipulative, and downright frustrating they can be. Narcissists are notoriously hard to figure out, and their behaviour often leaves you scratching your head in confusion. But understanding their deepest fears can give you the clarity you need to handle them, protect yourself, and even reclaim your power.
In this blog, we’re going to take a deep dive into the things that scare narcissists the most. By identifying these fears, you can better understand how narcissists operate and why they react the way they do. Spoiler alert: It’s not what you might think. Their biggest fears are rooted in vulnerability, insecurity, and a desperate need for control. Let’s explore this together!
1. Fear of Exposure: The Mask Cracks
A narcissist’s entire existence revolves around a false self—a carefully crafted persona designed to make them look superior, flawless, and invincible. This mask is everything to them. It's how they present themselves to the world, how they manipulate others, and how they avoid facing their own deep insecurities. But here's the thing: the mask is fragile.
When you criticise a narcissist or challenge their narrative, it threatens that mask. Narcissists cannot handle the slightest hint of vulnerability, because their whole identity depends on being seen as perfect. That’s why even the smallest perceived criticism can trigger what’s known as a “narcissistic injury”—a deep emotional wound that makes them feel exposed.
When this happens, they often react with anger, rage, or even cruelty. You might find them trying to discredit you, make you feel crazy, or start a smear campaign. Why? Because they can’t bear the thought of their true selves being exposed. If their false image is broken, they fear they’ll lose their power, control, and status. The idea of being seen as flawed or human is terrifying to them, so they’ll go to great lengths to keep that image intact—even if it means destroying you in the process.
2. Fear of Being Forgotten: Their Need for Attention
Imagine being so terrified of being forgotten that you’ll do whatever it takes to stay in people’s lives, even if it means making their lives miserable. That’s what narcissists experience on a daily basis. For them, being irrelevant or forgotten is like a death sentence. Their need for attention is constant, and it drives their behaviour.
A narcissist will go to extreme lengths to stay in your head. They might create drama, stir up chaos, or even show up uninvited just to make sure they’re on your mind. They thrive on being the centre of attention, and if they can’t get it through positive means, they’ll settle for getting attention through negative means—whether it’s causing conflict, manipulating your emotions, or playing the victim.
Even when you try to distance yourself from them, their need for validation doesn’t stop. They’ll send you texts, show up at your home, or even try to guilt-trip you into staying in contact. The ultimate way to threaten a narcissist is to stop giving them attention. If they feel like they no longer matter to you, it hits them where it hurts the most. That’s why one of the most effective ways to deal with a narcissist is to go “no contact” and stop feeding into their drama. It forces them to face their fear: that they’ve been forgotten and no longer have any control over you.
3. Fear of Being Alone: Their Ultimate Nightmare
This fear is at the core of many narcissists’ behaviour. At first glance, they may seem like they’re living the high life—surrounded by people, always the centre of attention, and constantly demanding admiration. But underneath that surface lies a crippling fear of being alone. Narcissists can’t stand the thought of being isolated, because without others validating their false self, they are forced to confront the reality of who they truly are.
Narcissists rely on external sources of validation—whether it’s from their partners, friends, colleagues, or social media followers—to fuel their self-worth. They’re terrified of being alone because it forces them to face their inner emptiness. They don't know how to be happy with themselves or enjoy their own company. If left alone for too long, their insecurity can spiral into anxiety or depression.
This is why narcissists are always on the lookout for their next source of supply, whether it's another romantic partner, a friend, or a new social circle. The moment they sense that their current source of admiration is slipping away, they’ll start grooming someone else to take their place. Their ultimate fear is that they’ll be left without anyone to feed their ego. And when they realise they can’t keep a grip on people or things in their life, that’s when their true vulnerabilities surface.
4. Fear of Your Happiness: You Winning = Them Losing
One of the most shocking things a narcissist fears is your happiness. Yes, you read that right. If you’re happy without them, they see that as a direct threat to their ego. Narcissists have a distorted view of relationships. To them, you’re either an extension of themselves or a tool to feed their needs. If you’re thriving without them, it exposes the reality: you don’t need them. And that’s their worst nightmare.
A narcissist is not truly capable of loving you in a healthy way. Their “love” is conditional—based on what you can do for them. If you show signs of independence or begin to heal from the relationship, they may feel threatened. Your happiness means that they no longer hold the power in your life. You’ve taken back control, and they fear that more than anything.
This is why narcissists often try to sabotage your success or happiness. They’ll make you feel guilty for enjoying life, or they’ll try to tear down your accomplishments. But the more you focus on your own well-being and continue thriving, the more you force them to face the reality: they’re no longer at the centre of your world. And for them, that’s a devastating blow.
5. Fear of Losing Control: Narcissists Are Control Freaks
Perhaps the most universal fear among narcissists is losing control. Control is everything to them. They need to be in charge, whether it’s controlling the narrative in a relationship, manipulating people around them, or dictating the flow of a conversation. Losing control makes them feel vulnerable and powerless—things they absolutely cannot stand.
Narcissists have an overwhelming need to dominate others. They’ll manipulate, lie, and deceive to maintain control of a situation. Whether it’s controlling their partner, their family, or even their workplace, they must always feel like they’re calling the shots. If they sense they’re losing control, they’ll do whatever it takes to regain it, even if that means resorting to extreme measures like gaslighting or emotional abuse.
The fear of losing control is what often drives their actions, from sabotaging relationships to creating chaos in your life. If you’ve ever felt like you were walking on eggshells around a narcissist, it’s because they’re constantly trying to maintain power over you. They cannot stand the idea of not being in control.