How do you survive Christmas with a narcissist?

How do you survive Christmas with a narcissist? 

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, love, and togetherness, but what happens when a narcissist is part of the family? In this eye-opening episode, we dive into the chaos a narcissistic family member can bring to your Christmas celebrations. From subtle manipulations to outright control tactics, narcissists have a knack for making everything about them—and ruining the holiday spirit for everyone else.

We’ll explore the common games narcissists play during festive gatherings: creating drama, triangulating family members, pulling surprise stunts, and turning the spotlight on themselves. 

If you’ve ever dreaded a holiday because of a narcissistic family member, this episode is for you. It’s time to take back the joy of Christmas!

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Transcript

Surviving Christmas with a Narcissist: How to Keep Your Peace This Holiday Season

Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But let’s be real—if you’ve got a narcissist in your life, the holidays can feel more like an emotional battlefield. Whether it’s a parent, sibling, in-law, or even your partner, the stress of dealing with their antics during the most “wonderful” time of the year can leave you dreading the holidays instead of enjoying them.

If this hits close to home, you’re not alone. I get it. And I want to help you navigate this tricky season without losing your mind—or your peace. So let’s chat about what it’s like dealing with a narcissist at Christmas and how you can get through it.

Why Narcissists Thrive on Christmas Chaos

First off, narcissists love Christmas. But not for the reasons most people do. For them, the holidays are all about:

• Being the centre of attention
• Controlling others
• Stirring up drama

It’s not about love or connection for them—it’s about power and manipulation. They see the holidays as the perfect opportunity to crank up the pressure, especially if you’ve been setting boundaries or pulling away. Suddenly, it’s all about guilt, obligation, and good old-fashioned emotional blackmail.

The Guilt Trip Game

Here’s the deal: narcissists are pros at making you feel guilty. Christmas gives them the perfect excuse to pull out all the stops:

• “It’s Christmas! Can’t you just put the past behind us for one day?”
• “You’re really not coming? Wow, how selfish can you be?”
• “Your [insert family member] is so upset you’re not going to be there. Do you really want to ruin their Christmas?”

Recognise these lines? They’re designed to make you cave. They’ll probably rope in a few flying monkeys (aka other family members) to back them up too. Suddenly, it feels like the entire family is against you, and you’re the bad guy.

But here’s the truth: this isn’t about Christmas. It’s about control.

Christmas Drama 101

Narcissists love a captive audience, and Christmas is prime time. They’ll take any chance they get to cause chaos, ruin the mood, or put themselves in the spotlight. Here’s how they do it:

1. Starting drama
   They might pick a fight over nothing, make passive-aggressive comments, or turn every little thing into a crisis.
2. Guilt-tripping
   They’ll use tradition and family loyalty as weapons to make you feel bad for setting boundaries.
3. Gift games
   Maybe they tell you not to bring gifts but then show up with something extravagant to make you look bad—or give you a “gift” that’s more of an insult than a present.
4. Turning people against you
   By the time you show up, they’ve already badmouthed you to everyone else, making the whole thing even more awkward.
5. Pushing boundaries
   If you’ve been working on boundaries all year, they’ll test them relentlessly during the holidays.

When Christmas Becomes a Mind Game

One of the hardest parts of dealing with a narcissist at Christmas is the confusion they create. In public, they’ll act like everything’s perfect—making you doubt your own experiences.

Maybe they’re acting sweet and generous, and suddenly you’re wondering: Am I overreacting? Maybe it’s not that bad. But deep down, you know better. That public façade? It’s all part of the act. Don’t let it mess with your head.

How to Survive Christmas with a Narcissist

Now let’s get into the good stuff: how to handle this mess without losing your peace.

1. Know What You’re Dealing With

Step one is mentally preparing yourself. Don’t go in expecting them to suddenly act like a decent human being. If you know they’re going to pull their usual stunts, it won’t catch you off guard.

2. Set Boundaries—and Stick to Them

Decide ahead of time what you’re okay with and what you’re not. For example:

• Only staying for a certain amount of time.
• Steering clear of triggering topics.
• Not engaging if they try to pick a fight.

And here’s the key: don’t explain or justify your boundaries. You don’t owe them that.

3. Have Backup

If you can, bring someone who gets it. A supportive partner or friend can make a world of difference—they can help you stay grounded and even run interference if things get tense.

4. Keep Your Cool

When they try to provoke you (because they will), don’t take the bait. Stay calm, stick to the facts, and don’t let emotions take over. They want a reaction—don’t give it to them.

5. Plan Your Escape

Have an exit strategy. Whether it’s a set time to leave or a fake emergency, knowing you can get out if things get too much will help ease the anxiety.

What If You Just Don’t Go?

Let’s be real: sometimes the best way to protect your peace is to skip the gathering altogether. Of course, this won’t go over well with the narcissist. Be ready for guilt trips, anger, and plenty of drama.

But here’s the thing—you don’t owe anyone access to your time, energy, or emotional well-being. If spending Christmas with them will hurt more than help, it’s okay to say no.

Making Christmas Your Own

If you’ve decided to opt out of the family chaos, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a meaningful Christmas. In fact, it can be the perfect chance to start new traditions that bring you actual joy:

• Host a low-key day with friends or chosen family.
• Volunteer somewhere—it’s a great way to feel connected and make a difference.
• Treat yourself to a quiet day doing whatever makes you happy, whether that’s bingeing your favourite shows, eating your weight in chocolate, or soaking up some much-needed alone time.

Remember, Christmas isn’t about guilt or obligation—it’s about connection, love, and joy. You get to decide what that looks like for you.

Final Thoughts

Surviving Christmas with a narcissist isn’t easy, but you can do it. Whether you decide to go and set firm boundaries or skip the drama entirely, the most important thing is putting your peace first.

At the end of the day, you deserve a holiday that’s about love and joy—not control and chaos. So this Christmas, give yourself the gift of freedom from toxic dynamics.

Have you dealt with a narcissist during the holidays? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your story—drop it in the comments below!