Does the Narcissist Make You Feel Crazy Intentionally?

Does the Narcissist Make You Feel Crazy Intentionally?

Have you ever felt like you’re losing your mind when dealing with a narcissist? Like no matter what you say or do, somehow, you’re the one who’s “too sensitive” or “overreacting”? In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I discuss one of the most common—and maddening—questions victims of narcissistic abuse ask: Are they doing this on purpose? Spoiler alert: yes, they are.

I’ll break down the sneaky, calculated tactics narcissists use to make you feel like you’re losing your mind using tactics like gaslighting,  projection, deflection and word salad. But most importantly,  this episode will help you to realise that 
you’re NOT “crazy,” and you’re definitely not alone.


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Transcript

Does the Narcissist Intentionally Make You Feel Crazy?

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning your own sanity in a relationship with a narcissist, you're not alone. It's common to feel like you’re losing your grip on reality, especially when dealing with the manipulative and confusing tactics narcissists often employ. The simple answer to whether a narcissist makes you feel crazy is a resounding yes. It’s not just an accident or a side effect—it's their goal. In this post, we’ll dive into the tactics narcissists use, particularly gaslighting, and why it can leave you feeling like you're losing your mind.

What Is Gaslighting and Why Do Narcissists Use It?

Let’s start with the term gaslighting. It’s a psychological manipulation tactic that narcissists use to distort your sense of reality. The narcissist's aim is to make you question everything you see, hear, or feel. They want you to stop trusting your instincts and rely solely on their version of reality. Over time, this erodes your confidence and makes you doubt yourself.

Gaslighting can be incredibly subtle. You may start second-guessing your decisions, constantly thinking you’re wrong, and wondering if you’re overreacting to things that actually are very upsetting. But the narcissist will continue to tell you that you're not entitled to your feelings, and that the confusion you're feeling is your own fault.

The Narcissist’s Sneaky Behavior: Flip the Script

Imagine this scenario: You’ve found evidence that your narcissistic partner has been cheating. Maybe you’ve discovered text messages or caught them in a compromising position with someone they’ve denied being involved with before.

What happens next? Instead of a simple acknowledgment of the truth or a sincere apology, the narcissist flips the script. A normal person might admit their mistake, apologise, and promise to change. But not a narcissist. They will deny everything and attack you for confronting them.

They might say things like:

• "How dare you snoop through my phone?"
• "You’re so paranoid; I can't even have friends anymore."
• "I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me."

Suddenly, you’re the one on trial for trying to hold them accountable, not them for their cheating behavior. It feels like a blow to your self-esteem, and they’ve managed to twist the situation so you begin questioning yourself and your instincts.

How Gaslighting Erodes Your Confidence

Narcissists don’t just gaslight you in one conversation—they do it over time, bit by bit, like a slow drip of poison. They continually confuse you, leaving you unable to trust your own judgment. You might start minimizing their hurtful actions, rationalising them away, and questioning your own reactions.

For example, after being repeatedly lied to, you may eventually believe that you’re just being too sensitive or overreacting. When this happens, your reality becomes warped, and you start looking to the narcissist for answers instead of trusting your own observations and instincts.

The ultimate goal? To make you feel crazy.

Narcissists and Coercive Control: The Ultimate Goal

Narcissists thrive on controlling their victims. A confused mind is easy to manipulate, so they deliberately break down your ability to think clearly and make decisions. This is where coercive control comes in. Narcissists will control you through fear, confusion, and constant manipulation, leaving you dependent on them for clarity and guidance.

Their ultimate aim is to destroy your capacity to think independently. They need you to feel like you can't trust your own mind because a person who is confident and trusts themselves won’t fall for their manipulative tactics.

The Narcissist’s Blame Game: It’s Your Fault, Not Theirs

Narcissists often make you feel crazy by conditioning you to believe that you’re the one at fault for their abusive behavior. Let’s say you feel anxious and constantly on edge in the relationship, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering an argument or upsetting them. Instead of recognising that your anxiety is a result of their abusive behavior, they will flip the narrative.

They might say things like:

• "You’re just so anxious all the time."
• "Maybe you should see a doctor."
• "You need stronger medication. You’re clearly not coping."

Their goal here is to convince you that your anxiety—the direct result of their emotional abuse—is the real problem, not their toxic behavior. You’ll begin to feel like you’re the one with the issue, not them.

The Gaslighting Cycle: How Narcissists Keep You Hooked

One of the most insidious things about narcissistic abuse is the trauma bond it creates. Even when you know, logically, that the relationship is unhealthy, you may find yourself staying. You may leave and then return time after time, convincing yourself that this time will be different, even though the narcissist hasn’t changed.

They may dangle breadcrumbs of affection or fake apologies, only to betray your trust again. Every time you return, you feel like you’ve failed somehow. This is when the narcissist's tactics truly leave you feeling crazy—because they’ve created a situation where you don’t know how to act, what to expect, or who to trust. You become hyper-focused on waiting for that final straw, the one thing that will break the relationship for good.

Why Do You Keep Going Back?

This cycle of confusion and betrayal is difficult to break. Even though you know deep down that the relationship is toxic, you may still feel emotionally dependent on the narcissist. The narcissist's manipulation tactics, particularly through coercive control and gaslighting, make it incredibly hard to detach.

Over time, you may start to rationalise their behavior, telling yourself that you can handle the small things, but you’ll draw the line at the “big things.” You might convince yourself that if they just didn’t do this one extra thing, the relationship would be tolerable. But deep down, you know it’s never just one thing—they always find new ways to hurt you.

Deflecting Accountability: The Narcissist’s Favorite Tactic

Another tactic narcissists use to make you feel crazy is deflecting accountability. You might confront them about something hurtful they’ve done, something disrespectful that you want to address. Instead of owning up to their actions, they turn the tables. They’ll bring up something you did years ago, like a small mistake that’s completely unrelated to the issue at hand.

They might bring up an argument you had a long time ago, or mention something trivial that you did once (like leaving the car low on fuel), and suddenly, the entire conversation shifts away from their behavior. You end up defending yourself over something trivial while the real issue goes unresolved. In the end, you’re left feeling crazy for not being able to discuss the problem without being blamed or shamed.

The Road to Validation: Why You Record Conversations

At some point, you may find yourself resorting to recording conversations with your narcissistic partner. You might need to prove to them—or even to yourself—that they actually said what they said. But when you present the evidence, the narcissist flips it once again. They might say:

• "You’re recording me? How could you do that?"
• "I didn’t say that, and if I did, you deserved it."
• "You took that out of context."

You’ll listen to the recording over and over, doubting yourself, trying to figure out if you misinterpreted their words. The narcissist's goal has been achieved—they’ve successfully made you question your own perceptions and your sense of reality.

The Long-Term Impact: Why Narcissistic Abuse Is Hard to Articulate

Narcissistic abuse is difficult to explain to others because it doesn’t always involve one big, clear incident. Instead, it's a slow accumulation of tiny moments that add up over time. The more it happens, the harder it is to see and articulate, because the manipulation is often so subtle and gradual.

Just like the frog in the pot of water analogy—where the heat is turned up so slowly that the frog doesn’t notice—it’s the same with narcissistic abuse. You don’t notice it happening until it’s too late. You’ve lost your confidence, your ability to trust yourself, and the clarity to see the situation for what it really is.

Why Narcissists Want You to Doubt Yourself

Ultimately, the narcissist’s goal is to make you feel crazy because a person who trusts their own mind is difficult to manipulate. They want you to be dependent on them for your sense of reality, and by eroding your ability to trust yourself, they can maintain control. A person who is confident and secure in their own thoughts and decisions can’t easily be victimized.

Conclusion: Recognising the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

If you find yourself constantly questioning your reality, second-guessing your instincts, or walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, you might be dealing with narcissistic abuse. Recognising the signs—such as gaslighting, coercive control, and blame-shifting—can be the first step toward reclaiming your sense of self.

Remember, if you feel crazy, it’s not your fault. Narcissists intentionally manipulate and distort your reality to make you doubt yourself, and this is a classic sign of narcissistic abuse. The best way to heal from this kind of manipulation is to trust yourself again, seek support, and break free from the cycle of abuse. You’re not crazy—you’ve been manipulated. And that’s exactly what the narcissist wanted.