Healing From Narcissistic Abuse - The Benefits of Journaling with Amanda Stern

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse - The Benefits of Journaling with Amanda Stern.

In this episode, I'm joined by Amanda Stern. Amanda provides amazing insights into healing from narcissistic abuse through journaling. She empowers her clients and community to embrace journaling as a path to self-discovery, self-compassion, and self-love so they can own their worth, find success on their own terms, and write their way to a life they love.
We discuss how journaling helps you process those confusing and painful emotions, gain clarity, and rebuild your self-esteem after being entangled in a toxic relationship. Amanda shares practical tips on getting started, even if you’ve never journaled before, and how to use it to reflect on your experiences and track your growth.

You’ll learn why journaling isn’t just about venting but about reclaiming your voice, uncovering your authentic self, and creating a safe space to express thoughts you may not feel ready to share with others. 

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  Nova xx

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Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.

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Transcript

Nova: Hey, everyone! I am super excited today to introduce a very special guest to you. Her name is Amanda Stern, and if you’ve been following me for a while, or if you’ve visited me in my practice, you’ll know that journaling is something I absolutely swear by when it comes to healing from narcissistic abuse.

Journaling is such a cathartic experience, and it really helps get those jumbled thoughts in your head onto paper. Once it’s on paper, it becomes tangible—you can revisit it, make sense of it, and even add more to it as time goes on. It’s such a powerful tool in the healing process.

Now, today’s guest, Amanda, is someone who actually teaches and supports people to embrace journaling. It’s not just about jotting down random thoughts—it’s about transforming it into a lifelong skill that can empower and heal. But I’m going to stop talking and let Amanda tell you more.

Amanda has been journaling since she was a teenager, and she credits her journaling practice for helping her thrive through her divorce. And this wasn’t just any divorce—she didn’t see it coming, but journaling helped her rediscover her voice and become the person she always wanted to be.

Now, she empowers her clients and community to use journaling as a path to self-discovery, self-compassion, and self-love. Through journaling, she helps people reconnect with their worth, define success on their own terms, and ultimately write their way to a life they love. So, let me introduce you all to Amanda Stern!

Amanda: Thank you so much for having me, Nova. I’m really happy to be here, and I’ve got to say—I love the name of your podcast. It’s so unique and meaningful.

Nova: Oh, thank you! Anyone who’s been through narcissistic abuse knows what a flying monkey is, so I thought, why not throw something different into the mix? But enough about that—let’s dive into your work. Amanda, could you share a bit about your organization and your journey? What led you to start teaching and supporting people with journaling?

Amanda: Absolutely. So, my journey started when I was a teenager, and honestly, it was pretty typical in some ways. I had a lot of big feelings as a teenager and didn’t really know what to do with them. One day, I came home from school feeling overwhelmed, and none of my friends were available to talk. The only thing I could think to do was grab a notebook and a pencil. I had always loved writing, especially for school, but this was the first time I really connected writing to how I felt.

I wrote and wrote and wrote, and by the time I finished, I felt lighter. I felt better. I felt like everything I was experiencing was more manageable. So, the next night, I did it again. And the night after that, and the night after that. I built this beautiful practice that not only helped me understand my thoughts and feelings, but also helped me realize that I was here, that I mattered, that I had a voice.

I kept journaling through high school and college, and then I got married. But when you’re married, especially with kids, it’s hard to find time for yourself. My journaling practice became sporadic. I missed it, but I couldn’t carve out the time. And before I knew it, I was disconnected from myself. I spent years not writing, not reflecting, and I think that’s one of my biggest regrets. Because not only did I miss documenting so many important moments in my children’s early years, but I missed the years where I could’ve been getting to know myself better—what I wanted, who I was.

I had been in a 15-year marriage with a narcissist, and I didn’t even realize it until I got out. We got divorced when he came home one day and declared that he had decided he would be happier not being married to me. I didn’t know what to do in that moment, but I knew I had a choice: I could let myself spiral, or I could grab onto something good. So, I chose to reconnect with my journaling practice.

I pulled out my journal and my favorite pen and forced myself to write about what I was grateful for. And let me tell you, it was really hard. I didn’t feel grateful for much at that time, but I forced myself to come up with eight things I was grateful for. If I could be grateful for eight things on the hardest day of my life, I knew I’d be okay.

Journaling became more than just a way to process feelings—it became a mission-critical activity for me. It helped me reconnect with myself, rediscover who I was, what I wanted, and who I wanted to be. So, I started sharing my journaling practice with others. About three or four years ago, I accidentally started teaching journaling through LinkedIn. I didn’t know what to expect, but I wanted to contribute to this community. I thought I could maybe talk about journaling for a few days or a week, but I quickly realized that journaling wasn’t as intuitive for others as it was for me.

I built a business around helping people incorporate journaling into their lives. It’s not just about writing—it’s about carving out time for yourself. I created a journaling community where we take this normally solitary activity and bring it into a supportive space. In our community, people can show up as their authentic selves, share their vulnerabilities, and help each other remember how to be human. Through journaling, we build self-compassion, which leads to self-love. And from there, we can do anything.

Nova: That sounds so powerful, Amanda. I know journaling is such a therapeutic tool, but I’ve never heard of it being incorporated in such a community-driven way. That’s amazing. It’s incredible how you’ve taken something that people might think of as a solitary activity and turned it into a way to support each other.

I think a lot of people who’ve been through narcissistic abuse or trauma might find it hard to open up, even just to themselves. But when you can surround yourself with people who get it, who can support you, and you can support them too—that makes such a difference.

Amanda, I’m sure you’ve worked with a lot of survivors of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence in your journaling groups. Can you tell us more about their experiences? What does it look like when they first start journaling, and how does it help them?

Amanda: Oh, absolutely. What I’ve noticed is that many people who’ve been through narcissistic abuse have a really hard time even feeling like their words matter. There’s a lack of confidence, and a lot of times, it’s tied to self-worth. When you’ve been in a relationship like that, you start to question whether your thoughts and feelings even count.

I know that, for me, it took a while to even realize that I had been in an abusive relationship. I didn’t think it was abuse at the time because he didn’t hit me or name-call me. But when I really looked at all the pieces—the gaslighting, the emotional manipulation, the way my confidence was slowly chipped away—I could see the truth. By the time I got divorced, I was a mess. I didn’t recognize myself.

When I work with people who’ve been in similar situations, I see the same thing. They come to me feeling shaken, unsure of who they are, and disconnected from their sense of self. They know deep down that they’re worthy, but they don’t feel it. There’s this big gap between who they are now and who they know they could be. They just don’t know how to bridge that gap.

Through journaling, we work on three main things. The first is self-awareness. Journaling helps you understand who you are, why you do the things you do, and what’s important to you. When you know yourself, you can start building self-compassion. The more you practice self-compassion, the easier it becomes to heal and grow. And once you’ve got self-compassion, the next step is self-love, which is something that’s often lost in the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Journaling helps people rediscover themselves, reclaim their stories, and do it with compassion and love. I’ve seen this transformation happen over and over again, and it’s so beautiful to watch.

Nova: Oh my gosh, Amanda. That really resonates with me. You’re not just helping people process their trauma—you’re helping them rebuild who they are. By writing down their thoughts, they can actually see them on paper, and that’s so empowering. It’s a way to validate their experiences and take control of their narrative.

I’ve noticed something similar with my clients, too. Sometimes people who hate writing think that journaling is some huge, overwhelming task. They think they need to write pages and pages every day. But really, it doesn’t have to be like that, right?

Amanda: Absolutely! That’s such an important point. Journaling doesn’t have to be this big, scary task. It doesn’t need to be pages and pages of writing. When people think of journaling, they often think of it as something that has to look a certain way. But it doesn’t!

I always encourage people to start small. If you don’t like writing by hand, you can type. If typing feels too formal, you can record yourself speaking. The key is to find what works for you. It’s all about creating a safe space to reflect, whether that’s through words, voice, or even video.

One of my favorite things to see in our community is how diverse journaling can be. Some people write poetry, others use bullet points. Some people create collages with images, and others add drawings. The point is not to have perfect handwriting or make sure it looks nice—it’s to process and reflect. The more people embrace journaling in their own way, the more connected they’ll feel to themselves.

Nova: That’s such a great approach, Amanda. It’s not about doing it “right”—it’s about doing it in a way that feels authentic. You’re absolutely right when you say that journaling can be a non-negotiable practice. It’s about taking time for yourself, and even if that means just writing one line a day, it adds up.

For anyone who’s listening right now and thinking about trying journaling but feels like they’re not ready, what advice would you give them?

Amanda: I would say, take your time. You don’t have to dive straight into your deepest feelings or write about your trauma right away. If that feels overwhelming, just start with something small—write down three things you’re grateful for, or a memory that makes you smile. You’ll be amazed at how quickly that little practice can start to make you feel better.

And remember, there’s no “wrong” way to do this. If you miss a day, or if you don’t know what to write about, that’s okay. Just pick up the pen again when you’re ready.

Nova: I love that. It’s about being gentle with yourself and letting journaling become something that serves you. It’s a beautiful practice.

Thank you so much for being here today, Amanda! I know our listeners will be so inspired by everything you’ve shared. You’ve given us so many tools and ideas for using journaling as a tool for healing. I can’t wait to hear how everyone incorporates it into their lives!

Amanda: Thank you, Nova! It was an honor to be here with you. I hope your listeners find some inspiration and start their own journaling practice. It can truly be a life-changing tool!

Nova: Absolutely! Thanks again, Amanda. And to all our listeners, remember—journaling can be a small, but mighty part of your healing journey. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and I’ll see you soon on the next episode!