Top 20 Lies Narcissists Smear you With - Part 1

Top 20 Lies Narcissists Smear you With - Part 1.

In this two part series, I examine 20 lies that narcissists spread to destroy your reputation and punish you.

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and their lies can range from subtle distortions of the truth to outright fabrications. In this 2 part series, I break down examples of the specific lies narcissists use to portray you as unstable, abusive, incompetent, or untrustworthy. I uncover how these lies are designed to not only discredit you but to gain sympathy from others and secure their position as the “victim” in the eyes of friends, family, or colleagues.

I also delve into the motivations behind these cruel smears. Why do narcissists go to such great lengths to slander their victims? What do they gain from destroying your reputation? With real-life examples,  I  provide a clear understanding of the narcissist’s mind and their relentless need to control the narrative.


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Transcript

Top 20 Lies a Narcissist Uses to Smear You: Part 1

Understanding the Narcissistic Smear Campaign

Before delving into the specific lies, let’s explore what a smear campaign is and why narcissists employ this tactic. At its core, a smear campaign is about smearing your credibility and reputation. Narcissists strategically manipulate others to isolate and discredit you, ensuring that when you attempt to expose their abusive behaviour, no one will believe you. The smear campaign serves two primary purposes: to punish you for perceived wrongs and to maintain control by isolating you from your support system.

Victims often discover the smear campaign when it is already in full swing. They notice that people are treating them differently, social connections are fading, or their online presence shows signs of disconnection, such as dwindling social media engagement. These campaigns often begin subtly, with the narcissist planting seeds of doubt early in the relationship, which later blossom into full-blown character assassinations.

For example, after baiting you into a heated argument, the narcissist may approach mutual acquaintances with feigned concern: “I’m really worried about Sophie. She was so angry last night. I love her and want to help her, but I’m not sure how.” This manipulative act positions them as the caring partner while portraying you as unstable. Over time, these seeds grow, enabling the narcissist to amplify their narrative and spread falsehoods about you.

From my experience as a trauma-informed counsellor working with survivors of narcissistic abuse, I’ve witnessed some of the most egregious lies used to destroy victims. Let’s examine ten of the most common lies narcissists use in their smear campaigns.

1. “You’ve Got Mental Health Issues”

This lie often frames you as emotionally unstable, claiming that you’re happy one moment and anxious or depressed the next. The narcissist may exploit your legitimate struggles with anxiety or depression, which are often a direct result of their abuse, to bolster their claims. They’ll conveniently omit their role in creating this distress, instead portraying themselves as the long-suffering partner who has endured your “issues” for far too long.

2. “You’re Ungrateful”

Narcissists often paint a picture where nothing they do is ever good enough for you. They claim to have spent their lives trying to please you, only to be met with constant criticism. What they don’t share is the context: your focus on their harmful behaviours such as lying, cheating, and gaslighting. Instead, they emphasise their rare moments of kindness, framing your justified concerns as ungratefulness.

3. “You’re Insecure”

This accusation invalidates your concerns, whether about dishonesty, infidelity, or other deceitful behaviours. Narcissists deliberately sow seeds of insecurity by leaving subtle clues of their transgressions, such as unexplained absences or cryptic messages, only to accuse you of overreacting. This gaslighting tactic shifts the blame, making you appear irrational while they continue their manipulative ways.

4. “You Refuse to Address Your Past Trauma”

Feigning concern, the narcissist may claim they’ve done everything to support you, but you’re unwilling to heal from your past. What they fail to mention is their use of your vulnerabilities against you. By reopening old wounds or mimicking past abuse, they weaponise your trauma to maintain control and justify their actions to others.

5. “You’re a Liar and a Manipulator”

Projection is at play here. Narcissists accuse you of the very behaviours they engage in. For instance, a minor change in your plans, like deciding to shop at a different store, is equated to their significant lies and betrayals. This tactic not only confuses you but also convinces others that you’re untrustworthy.

6. “You’re Jealous and Can’t Let Go”

After ending the relationship, the narcissist portrays themselves as the amicable one, eager to move on while you’re supposedly clinging to the past. They might exaggerate your understandable hurt or suspicion, twisting it into jealousy and erratic behaviour. This narrative bolsters their image as desirable and sought-after, casting you as irrational.

7. “You Cheated on Them”

This classic example of projection sees the narcissist accusing you of infidelity to deflect from their own unfaithfulness. By pre-emptively telling others you were unfaithful, they create doubt around your truth. When you later reveal their infidelity, it aligns with the lies they’ve already spread, making you appear defensive or dishonest.

8. “You Were Using Them”

Narcissists may claim you used them for financial support, a child, or an easy life. These accusations ignore mutual agreements within the relationship, such as one partner staying home or sharing parental responsibilities. Instead, they rewrite history, framing themselves as victims of your exploitation.

9. “You’re Controlling”

They accuse you of being overly controlling, constantly demanding to know their whereabouts or activities. What they neglect to mention is their own deceitful behaviour, which naturally fosters mistrust. By flipping the narrative, they justify their secrecy and portray themselves as the oppressed party.

10. “You Have Anger Management Issues”

Narcissists often exaggerate your justified anger, framing it as irrational outbursts. They claim they’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting you. Meanwhile, they conveniently ignore their role in provoking your anger through lies, betrayal, or other abusive tactics.

Recognising the Patterns

These lies are designed to shift blame, isolate you, and maintain the narcissist’s facade. By understanding their tactics, you can begin to see through the manipulative web they weave. Remember, these smears are not a reflection of who you are but rather a projection of the narcissist’s own flaws and insecurities.

Stay tuned for Part 2, where we’ll explore ten more lies narcissists use to discredit and control their victims.