Flying Monkeys: Narcissistic Manipulation and Control

"Uncover the manipulative tactics flying monkeys use to control, deceive, and isolate you on behalf of the narcissist. Learn how to protect yourself from their toxic influence."

In this episode of Fake Love & Flying Monkeys, we dive into the world of flying monkeys—the enablers who work in the shadows for the narcissist. Whether they’re doing it consciously or not, these individuals become manipulative pawns, assisting the narcissist in their mission to maintain control over their victims. But why do they get involved, and how can you defend yourself against their toxic influence?

In this episode, I’ll break down five common tactics flying monkeys use to manipulate, intimidate, and isolate you on the narcissist’s behalf, including:

Guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail – How flying monkeys make you feel responsible for the narcissist’s suffering.

Smear campaigns and reputation sabotage – The covert ways they destroy your credibility to keep you isolated.

Pressure to forgive – Why flying monkeys push you to reconcile, even when it’s unsafe.

Setting boundaries and protecting yourself – Practical strategies to cut off toxic flying monkeys for good.

Key insights in this episode include:

Why flying monkeys get involved – Are they victims too, or are they as toxic as the narcissist?

How to stop manipulation – Learn strategies to take back control and protect your emotional well-being.

If you’ve ever felt pressured to “move on” or betrayed by people you once trusted, this episode will validate your experience and provide practical steps for reclaiming your life. Flying monkeys might think they’re helping, but in reality, they’re doing the narcissist’s dirty work.

🎧 Tune in to learn how to break free from the manipulation of flying monkeys and regain your power. Subscribe to Fake Love & Flying Monkeys for more insights on narcissistic abuse recovery and strategies to heal and protect yourself.

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Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.

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Transcript

5 Manipulation Tactics Flying Monkeys Use for the Narcissist

If you have a narcissist in your life, chances are you also have to deal with their flying monkeys. Narcissists rarely operate alone; they rely on a group of enablers to prop up their ego, support their agenda, and even do their dirty work.

The term "flying monkeys" comes from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch sent out her winged creatures to spy on Dorothy and carry out her orders. Similarly, narcissists use their flying monkeys to manipulate, control, and pressure their victims. Some flying monkeys are just as toxic as the narcissist, while others genuinely believe they’re helping and don’t realize they’re being used. Either way, the result is the same—they become people you can’t trust.

Flying monkeys can be family members who defend your abuser, friends who take the narcissist’s side, colleagues who spread gossip, or mutual acquaintances who pressure you to "move on." Understanding their tactics can help you protect yourself. Here are five common manipulation strategies they use:

1. Guilt-Tripping You into Compliance

Flying monkeys often use guilt to pressure you into giving the narcissist another chance. They might say:

• "You're overreacting. They didn’t mean it like that."
• "You know they love you. You should just talk to them."
• "They’re struggling without you. Can’t you just be the bigger person?"

Real-Life Example: Sophie finally left her abusive husband, Justin, but his best friend kept calling her. He would say things like, "Justin is devastated without you. Don’t you at least owe him a conversation?" Sophie almost gave in but realized that Justin’s friend was more interested in making Justin comfortable than ensuring Sophie’s safety.

2. Spying and Reporting Back to the Narcissist

Some flying monkeys act as informants, pretending to be supportive while gathering intel for the narcissist. They:

• Check your social media for updates.
• Ask personal questions about your life, relationships, and emotions.
• Try to earn your trust only to betray you.

Real-Life Example: After Sophie left Justin, she remained civil with their mutual friend, Lisa. But every time Sophie confided in Lisa about moving on, Justin mysteriously found out and caused problems. Lisa was a flying monkey, feeding him information while pretending to be Sophie's friend.

3. Spreading the Narcissist’s Smear Campaign

Narcissists fear exposure and losing control of their narrative. If you speak out about their abuse, they recruit flying monkeys to:

• Spread lies about you.
• Label you as "crazy," "bitter," or "unstable."
• Twist facts and paint the narcissist as the real victim.

Real-Life Example: Michael’s narcissistic ex-wife, Tracy, told their children that he had abandoned them when he left their toxic marriage. She got her sister to spread this false story, turning family and friends against him. Suddenly, Michael was being accused of being a bad father, even though he had fought for custody and tried to protect his kids.

4. Pressuring You to Break No Contact

Going no contact with a narcissist is one of the best ways to heal, but flying monkeys will pressure you to reconnect. They’ll say:

• "They’re still family. You can’t just cut them off."
• "You’re being so dramatic. It wasn’t that bad."
• "Just forgive and forget—it’s time to move on."

Real-Life Example: Mia went no contact with her narcissistic mother, but her aunt constantly showed up unannounced, saying, "Your mother is heartbroken. You need to talk to her." Mia struggled because she loved her aunt, but she realized that her mother was using her aunt as a flying monkey to regain control.

5. Using Intimidation and Threats

If manipulation doesn’t work, flying monkeys might escalate to intimidation. This can include:

• Online harassment or public shaming.
• Verbal abuse and personal attacks.
• Threats to ruin your reputation, career, or friendships.
• Legal threats meant to scare you into compliance.

Real-Life Example: Tom stood up to his toxic boss, Greg, only to be threatened by Greg’s assistant, Chris. "Greg has strong connections," Chris warned. "If you don’t apologize, he’ll make sure you never work in this industry again." Tom knew this was a scare tactic, so he documented everything and sought legal advice.

How to Protect Yourself

• Recognize the signs. If someone is pressuring you, spreading gossip, or guilt-tripping you, they might be a flying monkey.
• Set firm boundaries. Don’t engage in arguments or justify your choices.
• Limit contact. Block flying monkeys on social media and avoid sharing personal details.
• Find a support system. Surround yourself with people who truly have your best interests at heart.

Dealing with flying monkeys can be frustrating, but staying informed and setting boundaries will help you reclaim your peace. If you need support in navigating narcissistic abuse, consider professional counselling. You don’t have to go through this alone!