Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit www.brighteroutlookcounselling.com.au to learn more, book a session, and explore resources.
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It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Is Sex with a Narcissist Really As Good As It Feels? Are They Truly Into You?"
“When sex becomes a weapon, it’s not about love—it’s about control.”
In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I dive deep into how narcissists use sex as a tool for manipulation and emotional abuse. Sex, which should be an act of connection and intimacy, becomes a weapon in the hands of a narcissist, used to dominate, punish, and destabilise their partners.
You’ll learn:
How narcissists use love bombing and intense passion to trap you
The tactics narcissists use to withhold affection and make you feel unworthy
Why narcissists use sex to punish and control their partners
How sex becomes a tool to reinforce trauma bonds, making it harder to break free
Real-life examples from survivors of narcissistic abuse and how they reclaimed their power
Narcissists create cycles of emotional highs and lows, leaving you confused, emotionally drained, and desperate for validation. This isn't love—it’s emotional manipulation.
If you've felt controlled, devalued, or emotionally starved in a sexual relationship, this episode will give you the clarity, tools, and validation you need to break free from the narcissist’s grip and heal from the emotional scars left behind.
Subscribe to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys for more insights on narcissistic abuse, healing, and recovery from toxic relationships.
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Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.
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How Narcissists Use Sex as a Weapon
Sex is one of the most powerful tools in a narcissist’s arsenal. They use it to manipulate, control, and ultimately abuse their victims. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse recall the intense chemistry and euphoria they felt at the beginning of the relationship. But was it really love, or was it just another tool for control?
The Illusion of Intimacy
In the beginning, the narcissist seems incredibly invested in you. They shower you with affection, make you feel special, and create what feels like an unbreakable bond. This is the love-bombing phase, and sex plays a huge role in it.
Victims often describe this period as the most intense sexual connection they’ve ever had. The narcissist appears to be completely in tune with their desires, mirroring their needs and making them feel adored. However, this isn’t genuine intimacy—it’s manipulation.
Setting the Hook
Narcissists don’t experience love the way healthy individuals do. They lack empathy, and everything they do is ultimately about them. During the love-bombing phase, sex is used as bait. The narcissist wants to hook their victim, and what better way than to make them feel desired and irreplaceable?
Victims often confuse this manipulation with deep emotional and physical connection. But what they’re truly experiencing is the euphoria of being chosen and intensely pursued. The narcissist knows exactly how to make their target feel like the most special person in the world.
From Passion to Punishment
Once the narcissist knows their victim is hooked, the dynamic shifts. The sex that once felt so passionate and fulfilling now becomes a tool for control. One of the most common ways narcissists weaponize sex is by withdrawing it.
Victims go from being intensely desired to suddenly feeling rejected. The narcissist may say they’re tired, uninterested, or accuse the victim of being selfish for wanting intimacy. This creates confusion and self-doubt. The victim wonders what they did wrong and often blames themselves for the sudden change.
Sexual Withdrawal as Devaluation
When the narcissist begins the devaluation phase, they use sex (or the lack of it) to make their victim feel worthless. The person who once couldn’t keep their hands off you now barely acknowledges you. This isn’t an accident—it’s calculated cruelty.
By pulling away, the narcissist triggers insecurity and self-doubt in their victim. This makes the victim work harder to regain the connection, often by lowering their boundaries and tolerating more abuse.
Coercive Control and Sexual Manipulation
Narcissists also use sex to punish their victims. If you displease them, even in minor ways, they may withhold affection or intimacy. Conversely, they might demand sex when you don’t want it, making you feel obligated to comply to avoid punishment.
This kind of coercion can take many forms:
- Silent treatments if you refuse sex
- Guilt-tripping you into being intimate
- Explosive rage if you don’t comply
- Passive-aggressive behaviors like rolling over in bed, sneering, or ignoring you
Over time, victims may find themselves giving in to sexual demands just to keep the peace. Sex stops being an act of intimacy and becomes a chore—something they do to avoid punishment rather than to connect with their partner.
Sex Becomes a Means of Survival
For many victims, saying no to sex feels like an impossible option. The narcissist has trained them to fear the consequences of refusal. Some victims rationalize their compliance by telling themselves it’s easier to go along with it than to endure the silent treatment or other forms of abuse.
This is the very definition of coercive control—getting someone to submit through fear, guilt, and manipulation. The victim is not engaging in intimacy out of desire but out of survival.
Breaking Free from the Manipulation
Recognizing that sex has been weaponized is a crucial step in breaking free from narcissistic abuse. Here are some key things to remember:
- Sexual rejection by a narcissist is about control, not your worth. They want to make you feel unwanted to keep you insecure.
- Love-bombing is not real love. The intensity in the beginning was a manipulation tactic.
- You don’t have to comply to keep the peace. True intimacy is mutual and should never be coerced.
- Healing is possible. Therapy, education, and support can help you reclaim your self-worth and recognize healthy relationship patterns.
Final Thoughts
Sex is supposed to be an act of love, trust, and connection. But in the hands of a narcissist, it becomes a tool for manipulation and control. If you’ve experienced this form of abuse, know that you’re not alone. You deserve real intimacy and love—not the false version a narcissist creates to trap you.
If this resonates with you, consider seeking support from a trusted therapist or counselor who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery. Reclaiming your sense of self and learning to recognize healthy love is possible, and you deserve nothing less.