Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit www.brighteroutlookcounselling.com.au to learn more, book a session, and explore resources.
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Buy Nova’s best-selling book Fake Love – Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse (HarperCollins, 2023)
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
What Happens When a Narcissist loses control Over You?
"Their love disappears the moment you stop letting them control you."
In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, we uncover what really happens when a narcissist loses control over you—and why their reaction is never about love or regret.
Once their manipulation no longer works, narcissists often lash out with smear campaigns, hoovering, guilt-tripping, or rage. Others play the victim to flip the narrative and keep control.
You’ll learn:
Why narcissists can’t handle losing power
The extreme tactics they use to reel you back in
How to protect yourself from emotional retaliation
Why no contact and boundaries are your best defence
How to stay grounded and reclaim your freedom
“It’s not about you. It’s about losing their grip on your life.”
Whether you’re healing from a toxic relationship, going no contact, or facing post-breakup mind games, this episode offers the clarity, validation, and strategies you need to protect your peace.
Subscribe to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys for weekly episodes on narcissistic abuse recovery, emotional healing, and breaking trauma bonds.
You can book a Telehealth Online zoom counseling appointment with me or book me to speak at your event through my website Brighter Outlook Counselling Service or email me at nova.pollard123@gmail.com
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Thank you so much for listening!
Please remember the information you hear in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy, is general information, and strictly the opinions of the host based on her years of experience working with thousands of victims of narcissistic abuse.
If you would like to make an appointment for individual counselling with me, please visit my website at ,Brighter Outlook Counselling Service, or email me at nova.pollard123@gmail.com
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What Happens When a Narcissist Can't Control You Anymore?
We all know that narcissists thrive on control. Their world revolves around power, dominance, and manipulation. Even when it seems like they are putting you first, making you feel special, or letting you take charge, the reality is that they are always pulling the strings. They carefully orchestrate their actions to keep you under their influence, whether in a romantic relationship, a workplace dynamic, or even within a family setting.
But what happens when they start to lose their grip on you? What unfolds when you begin to pull away, no longer reacting to their tactics the way they expect?
If you've ever escaped a narcissistic relationship or tried standing up for yourself while still entangled with one, you likely remember the moment you stopped responding to their manipulation. What followed was probably an outburst of narcissistic rage. It could have been terrifying, a stark shift from the person they pretended to be. That's because when you refuse to play their game, you challenge their power. You inadvertently expose their true nature, and to a narcissist, that is an unforgivable sin.
Why Narcissists React When They Lose Control
Narcissists rely on control to maintain their fragile ego. They view relationships as a means to obtain narcissistic supply—the validation, admiration, and emotional reactions they feed on. When you refuse to comply, you shatter their illusion of superiority. You show them that their tactics are no longer effective, which triggers a massive narcissistic injury.
They are left with two options: regain control or seek revenge. And they will do everything in their power to accomplish one or both of these goals.
1. Narcissistic Rage and Outbursts
One of the first things a narcissist does when losing control is lash out. Their rage can be explosive, unpredictable, and even dangerous. This isn't just anger—it’s panic. They sense that their influence is slipping, and they become desperate to reassert dominance.
Their reactions can include:
- Verbal attacks: Insults, name-calling, and accusations that paint you as the villain.
- Physical aggression: Breaking things, smashing walls, or even physical violence.
- Psychological warfare: Gaslighting, twisting reality, or making you question your own memories and experiences.
At its core, narcissistic rage is their way of saying, "You will not take my power away from me." And if you refuse to engage, their panic only grows.
2. Smear Campaigns and Social Sabotage
If a narcissist realizes they can't control you directly, they will attempt to control how others perceive you. This often comes in the form of a smear campaign—spreading lies, distorting the truth, and turning others against you.
They might:
- Accuse you of things you never did.
- Paint themselves as the victim while portraying you as cruel or unstable.
- Use their "flying monkeys" (mutual friends, coworkers, or even family members) to spread their narrative and gather information about you.
- Attempt to destroy your reputation at work, within your social circles, or even in legal settings like custody battles.
The goal is to isolate you, ensuring that even if they can't manipulate you anymore, you still suffer the consequences of their wrath.
3. Love Bombing and Hoovering
If outright aggression doesn’t work, a narcissist might switch tactics and suddenly become loving, apologetic, and attentive. This is where "Hoovering" comes into play—a term derived from the Hoover vacuum cleaner, meaning they attempt to "suck" you back into the toxic cycle.
Some common hoovering strategies include:
- Promising to change: "I realize now what I did wrong. I will be different this time."
- Bringing up good memories: "Remember how amazing things were in the beginning? We can have that again."
- Faking an emergency: "I need you. Something terrible happened, and you’re the only one who understands me."
- Playing the victim: "I can’t believe you’re abandoning me like everyone else. I gave you everything."
Hoovering is manipulative, not genuine. The narcissist doesn’t change; they only adjust their tactics to regain control over you.
4. Triangulation: Using Others Against You
If a narcissist can’t control you, they might try to manipulate the people around you instead. Triangulation involves bringing a third party into the dynamic to create jealousy, insecurity, or division.
This could look like:
- Flaunting a new romantic partner to make you feel replaceable.
- Comparing you to someone else to undermine your confidence.
- Using mutual friends or family members to make you question your decisions.
- Seeking validation from outsiders to reinforce their false narrative about you.
Triangulation is designed to make you doubt yourself and seek their approval again. It’s a power move to keep you emotionally hooked.
5. Guilt-Tripping and Emotional Manipulation
If rage, smear campaigns, and hoovering don’t work, narcissists may resort to guilt-tripping. They exploit your empathy, making you feel responsible for their emotional suffering.
Common guilt-tripping phrases include:
- "After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?"
- "I guess you never really loved me."
- "I just don’t understand why you’re being so cruel."
This is an attempt to pull at your heartstrings and make you feel like the bad guy. If they can’t manipulate your actions, they will at least try to manipulate your emotions.
How to Stay Strong and Protect Yourself
If you find yourself in this situation, here’s how to protect yourself:
1. Go No Contact (If Possible)
Completely cutting off communication is the best way to break free. Block their number, email, and social media accounts. If you share children or work together, keep interactions as limited and unemotional as possible (known as "gray rock").
2. Document Everything
If you suspect a smear campaign or legal issues, keep records of texts, emails, and any incidents that might be relevant. Narcissists often twist the truth, and having evidence can protect you.
3. Build a Support System
Narcissists thrive on isolating their victims. Stay connected with trusted friends, family, or even a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse.
4. Stop Seeking Closure
You will never get a genuine apology, acknowledgment, or satisfying explanation from a narcissist. Seeking closure only keeps you entangled in their games.
5. Stay Grounded in Reality
The narcissist’s actions are about them, not you. Their desperate attempts to control you are proof of their own deep insecurities. You are not crazy. You are not unlovable. You deserve peace and respect.
Final Thoughts
A narcissist losing control is like a storm brewing—they will do anything to reestablish their dominance. But if you stay firm in your boundaries, refuse to engage, and recognize their tactics for what they are, you can break free.
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time, but remember this: You are stronger than they made you believe. You are capable of living a life free from their manipulation. And most importantly, you are worthy of peace, happiness, and real love.