Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Why Covert Narcissists Use Triangulation to Hurt You
Ever felt like you were suddenly competing for someone’s love, attention, or approval—without knowing why? You might have been caught in the toxic game of covert narcissistic triangulation.
In this eye-opening episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I dive deep into one of the most painful and manipulative tactics narcissists use: triangulation. Whether it’s with an ex, a friend, a sibling, or even your own child, covert narcissists thrive on creating emotional chaos by pulling in third parties to control, confuse, and hurt you.
I’ll break down what triangulation really looks like, why narcissists do it, how it affects your mental health and self-esteem, and—most importantly—how to recognise it and shut it down. From silent treatment and comparisons to backhanded praise and fake alliances, this episode exposes how narcissists use others to punish you, keep you off balance, and maintain power.
You’ll hear real-life examples from my counselling practice and learn practical tools to detach from the drama, protect your peace, and heal from the emotional damage this cruel tactic leaves behind.
This episode is for you if:
You’ve been compared to others constantly
You feel like someone’s always being used against you
The narcissist in your life brings up their ex way too often
You’ve been turned against someone you once trusted
You're stuck in a toxic triangle that leaves you drained and confused
"The narcissist doesn’t want peace, they want power—and triangulation gives them both."
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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
Why Narcissists Love Triangulation
Triangulation is incredibly effective for narcissists for several reasons:
- It fuels their ego: Watching you become jealous or desperate for their approval gives them a powerful sense of control and importance.
- It keeps you stuck: Constantly feeling like you’re not enough or that someone else is better keeps you working harder to please them.
- It creates drama: Narcissists thrive on chaos and conflict. Triangulation ensures there’s always drama swirling around them.
- It distracts from their abuse: By making you focus on competing with someone else, you’re less likely to confront the narcissist’s behaviour directly.
Covert narcissists, in particular, favour triangulation because it allows them to manipulate in ways that are subtle, sneaky, and often invisible to outsiders. If you call them out, they can easily deflect and make you seem like the jealous or paranoid one.
Examples of Narcissistic Triangulation
Let’s take a closer look at some real-world ways covert narcissists use triangulation to hurt their victims.
1. The Imaginary Admirer
A covert narcissist might casually mention that someone at their local coffee shop has been giving them attention:
"That barista is always checking me out—it’s getting a little awkward."
This seems harmless on the surface, but the real purpose is to make you feel jealous and insecure. Suddenly, you’re wondering if this person is a threat and if your partner might stray. Meanwhile, the narcissist soaks up your anxiety and desperate attempts to regain their approval.
2. Pitting You Against Their Ex
Another favourite tactic is to compare you to their so-called “crazy” ex:
"You know, Sarah used to get jealous when I didn’t come home on time, but at least she cooked me dinner every night."
Notice the contradiction? The same person they once painted as unstable is now being idealised—and you’re falling short in comparison. This creates confusion, erodes your self-esteem, and makes you try harder to win their praise.
3. Sibling Rivalry Created by Narcissistic Parents
Triangulation isn’t just used in romantic relationships. Narcissistic parents often pit siblings against each other:
"Why can’t you be more like your brother? He never gives me trouble."
This turns siblings into competitors rather than allies and keeps everyone vying for the parent’s conditional love and approval. The parent enjoys being the centre of attention, with children working overtime to be the "favourite."
4. The Army of Agreement
Covert narcissists often claim that everyone agrees with them:
"Even your own friends think you’re overreacting. Your mum said I’m right too."
This form of triangulation is especially damaging because it isolates you. If everyone is against you, who can you turn to for support? This tactic keeps victims silenced and compliant.
5. Playing the Victim to Outsiders
When conflict arises, the narcissist might confide in a friend, co-worker, or even an ex, painting themselves as the misunderstood victim:
"She just doesn’t understand me. You’re the only one who really gets what I’m going through."
Not only does this hurt you by bringing someone else into your relationship, but it also sets up that third party as a potential replacement while you’re cast as the villain.
Why Triangulation Hurts So Deeply
The emotional pain caused by triangulation cuts deep because it triggers primal fears: fear of abandonment, rejection, and inadequacy. It’s designed to keep you in a state of constant anxiety and competition. You may find yourself questioning your worth, obsessing over what you did wrong, and working harder to "earn" the narcissist’s love.
This is exactly where the narcissist wants you—unsure of your value and desperate for their validation. It feeds their ego and secures their control over you.
Why Covert Narcissists Use Triangulation More Than Overt Narcissists
Covert narcissists are more subtle in their abuse tactics than overt ones. They avoid open conflict and obvious put-downs, preferring to hurt you in ways that are hard to call out. Triangulation is perfect for them because:
- It allows them to hurt you indirectly.
- They can deny any wrongdoing ("I was just making conversation!" or "You’re overreacting.").
- It maintains their public image as the nice, misunderstood person while you are painted as jealous or irrational.
This passive-aggressive style makes triangulation one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse.
Triangulation Isn’t Always Romantic
While triangulation often shows up in romantic relationships, it can appear in any dynamic:
- In families: Narcissistic parents pit children against each other or against the other parent.
- At work: Narcissistic bosses or co-workers play employees off one another to create competition and maintain control.
- In friendships: The narcissist might constantly mention how close they are with another friend to make you feel less important.
No matter where it shows up, the goal is always the same: to destabilise you, provoke jealousy or competition, and keep the narcissist in the position of power.
Recognising the Signs That You’re Being Triangulated
If you suspect you’re being triangulated by a narcissist, look out for these signs:
- You feel constantly compared to others.
- You’re made to feel jealous or insecure on a regular basis.
- The narcissist frequently mentions exes, admirers, or people who “understand them better.”
- You notice they confide in others about your relationship problems.
- They claim that everyone else agrees with them and thinks poorly of you.
How to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Triangulation
Breaking free from the narcissist’s triangulation games starts with awareness. Once you recognise the tactic, you can begin to take steps to protect your emotional health:
1. Stop Competing
Refuse to play their game. The narcissist wants you to fight for their attention or approval. By stepping back and refusing to engage, you take away their source of narcissistic supply.
2. Validate Your Own Worth
Remind yourself that your value doesn’t come from their approval or comparison to others. You are enough, just as you are.
3. Set Boundaries
If they start bringing up comparisons or imaginary admirers, calmly let them know you won’t engage in those conversations. Stick to your boundaries, even if they try to provoke you.
4. Limit Contact
If possible, reduce your exposure to the narcissist, especially during times when they ramp up triangulation tactics. Emotional distance gives you space to heal.
5. Seek Support
Talk to a therapist or support group familiar with narcissistic abuse. They can help you rebuild your confidence and teach you strategies to handle manipulation tactics like triangulation.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Better
Triangulation is one of the covert narcissist’s cruelest tactics because it plays on deep insecurities and creates chaos in your relationships. But understanding it is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
Remember: Healthy love doesn’t require competition, jealousy, or constant comparison. You deserve relationships where you feel secure, valued, and respected—without having to fight for your place.
If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Thousands of survivors have broken free from narcissistic abuse, and you can too.
Need support?
At Brighter Outlook Counselling, we specialise in helping survivors of narcissistic abuse heal and rebuild their lives. Book a session today and take your first step toward freedom.