Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
How Does a Narcissist show their Love?
Ever wondered how a narcissist loves — or if they’re even capable of real love at all? In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys I break down the hard truths about what narcissistic love really looks like in romantic relationships, families, and friendships.
You’ll learn why narcissists appear so loving and affectionate at first with intense love bombing, only to later devalue and discard you. I explain the difference between real love and narcissistic love, and why narcissists make you feel like you're walking on eggshells, doubting yourself, and constantly trying to win back their affection.
We explore how narcissistic parents show conditional love through the golden child and scapegoat dynamic, and why narcissistic partners shift from idealising you to tearing you down with silent treatments, manufactured conflict, and emotional manipulation. I also cover the key signs that you’re dealing with narcissistic love — and how to protect your self-worth and reclaim your peace.
If you’ve ever been stuck in the cycle of confusion, asking yourself, Did they ever really love me? this episode will give you the validation and clarity you need to start healing
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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
Do Narcissists Love You? Understanding the Narcissist’s Version of Love
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, "Does a narcissist love you?" you are far from alone. It's one of the most common and heartbreaking questions I hear from survivors of narcissistic abuse. Whether the narcissist was your romantic partner, parent, friend, or even your boss, the confusion about their version of love leaves deep scars.
Today, we’re going to pull back the curtain on this painful question. Let’s unpack how a narcissist loves (or more accurately, doesn’t love) so you can finally break free from the emotional chains.
Why You’re Doubting Whether the Narcissist Ever Loved You
One of the most painful aftermaths of narcissistic abuse is the self-doubt it creates. You may lie awake at night wondering, "Did they ever love me?" or "Was it all fake?" You’re not crazy for asking these things. Narcissists are expert manipulators who deliberately blur the lines between love and abuse.
Many survivors also have a history of trauma or toxic relationships that conditioned them to accept controlling, hurtful behavior as normal. This makes it even harder to spot the difference between real love and narcissistic love bombing.
You might think:
- If I just loved them more, they would change.
- Maybe I’m the problem, not them.
- They said they love me, so maybe this is just how they show it.
But real love doesn’t make you feel worthless, anxious, or confused. And it certainly doesn’t require you to lose yourself to keep someone else happy.
What Healthy Love Looks Like (And Why Narcissists Can’t Give It)
Let’s get crystal clear about what real love is. Love is not just a word or a feeling—it’s action. Real love is built on compassion, respect, trust, loyalty, and empathy. It feels safe. It lifts you up. It makes you feel seen, heard, and valued.
Healthy love is:
- Consistent
- Kind
- Safe
- Supportive
- Boundaried
Now let’s contrast that with narcissistic love. A narcissist's version of love is chaotic, conditional, and controlling. It feels amazing one minute and soul-destroying the next. One day they’re calling you their soulmate, and the next they’re giving you the silent treatment.
If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, waiting for the next outburst or withdrawal, that’s not love. That’s emotional abuse.
How Does a Narcissist Love? The Brutal Truth
When a narcissist says "I love you," what they often mean is "I want to own you, control you, and use you for my own needs." Narcissists are emotionally immature and lack true empathy, which means their version of love is entirely self-serving.
Here’s what "I love you" really means from a narcissist:
- "I love the way you make me feel important."
- "I love having control over you."
- "I love that you admire me and put me first."
They may say the right words, but their actions tell a different story:
- Gaslighting you until you doubt your reality
- Giving you the silent treatment to punish you
- Insulting you under the guise of jokes
- Devaluing and discarding you when you no longer serve their needs
So if you’re still asking "Can a narcissist love?"—understand that their love is not love in any healthy, meaningful sense. It’s conditional, transactional, and based entirely on what they can get from you.
Narcissist Love Bombing: The Hook That Keeps You Trapped
In the beginning, narcissistic love feels intoxicating. This is known as narcissist love bombing, and it’s one of their most powerful weapons. They flood you with attention, affection, compliments, and even gifts. You might feel like you’ve found your soulmate, your twin flame, or the person you’ve been waiting for your entire life.
Examples of narcissist love bombing:
- Constant texts and calls ("Good morning, beautiful" every day)
- Over-the-top compliments ("I’ve never met anyone like you")
- Quick commitments (*"Let’s move in together" or "I can’t live without you")
- Mirroring your likes and values to make you feel deeply connected
But this phase doesn’t last. Once you’re emotionally hooked, the narcissist begins the cycle of devaluation and discard. This is when their love turns cold, critical, and cruel. And because you tasted the love bombing, you keep chasing that high—hoping it will return.
This trauma bond keeps you stuck, making you believe that if you just try harder, you’ll get back to the person they were in the beginning. But that person was a mask. The real narcissist is the one who devalues you.
Love That Turns Into Control
Many survivors describe feeling like they went from being adored to being ignored or even hated. One client shared, "At first, he made me feel like I was the most special woman in the world. Then he started picking at everything I did. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right."
This is classic narcissistic abuse. Their love is not about mutual respect—it’s about control. They pull you in close, then push you away to keep you off balance. Their version of love is a game where they always win, and you always lose.
Real love builds you up. Narcissistic love tears you down.
Does a Narcissist Love You in Their Own Way?
Some people say, "Narcissists do love you, just in their own way." But let’s be brutally honest: this is dangerous thinking, especially for survivors stuck in trauma bonds. Believing that the narcissist loves you in some broken way keeps you holding on, hoping for change.
Here’s the truth: someone who loves you doesn’t abuse you. Period. Someone who loves you doesn’t make you feel small, worthless, or crazy.
When you ask, "Does a narcissist love you?"—remember that their version of love is about possession, control, and narcissistic supply. It’s not about caring for you as an equal human being with needs, feelings, and boundaries.
The Narcissist’s Cycle: Idealize, Devalue, Discard
Let’s break down the narcissist’s love cycle, so you can see how their version of love operates:
- Idealization: They mirror your dreams, values, and interests. They make you feel like you’ve finally met someone who truly sees you. This is the love bombing phase, and it feels amazing.
- Devaluation: Once they’ve hooked you, they begin to chip away at your confidence. They criticize, gaslight, and manipulate you. You feel confused and start to blame yourself.
- Discard: When you’re no longer serving their needs or when they’ve found new supply, they discard you—emotionally or physically. They may ghost you, cheat, or move on suddenly, leaving you devastated.
This cycle repeats, keeping you trauma-bonded and desperate for their approval.
Signs the Narcissist Never Really Loved You
Still wondering "Did the narcissist ever love me?" Here are some clear signs that their love was never real:
- Their love disappeared when you stopped feeding their ego. True love doesn’t vanish the moment you set boundaries or say no.
- They used love as a weapon. If "I love you" was followed by abuse, control, or manipulation, it wasn’t love.
- They lacked empathy. Real love includes empathy and caring about your feelings. Narcissists show little to no genuine empathy.
- Their actions never matched their words. They said "I love you," but their behavior made you feel worthless.
- You always felt anxious or confused. Real love brings peace and security, not chaos and self-doubt.
So, Can a Narcissist Love?
Let’s call it what it is. A narcissist’s version of love is conditional, controlling, and confusing. It’s love in name only—used as a tool for manipulation and narcissistic supply.
If you’re still asking "Does the narcissist love me?" remember this:
- Someone who abuses you doesn’t love you.
- Someone who controls you doesn’t love you.
- Someone who makes you feel worthless doesn’t love you.
True love is consistent, safe, and kind. It never makes you question your worth.
Breaking Free: You Deserve Real Love
If you’ve been trapped in the narcissist’s cycle, please know this: you are worthy of real love. Love that lifts you up. Love that doesn’t demand you sacrifice your dignity or sanity.
Ask yourself:
- Does this relationship make me feel safe and valued?
- Do I feel heard and respected?
- Am I growing as a person or shrinking to keep the peace?
If the answer is no, it’s time to recognize that the narcissist’s love is not real love. You deserve better. You deserve love that’s not conditional on your suffering.