Narcissistic Victim Syndrome Explained: How to Know If You're a Victim

Are you constantly second-guessing yourself, walking on eggshells, or feeling like you're going crazy in a relationship? 

You may be experiencing narcissistic victim syndrome—a deeply damaging psychological response to ongoing emotional and psychological manipulation by a narcissist.

In this eye-opening episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I break down exactly what narcissistic Victim syndrome is, how it develops, and the red flags you should never ignore. As a trauma-informed counsellor who specialises in narcissistic abuse recovery, I’ll guide you through the real signs of narcissistic abuse and Narcissistic  Victim Syndrome, and help you understand the emotional rollercoaster that victims often experience—confusion, anxiety, hypervigilance, low self-worth, and trauma bonding.

Whether it's a narcissistic partner, parent, friend, or boss, this episode will help you identify the manipulative tactics narcissists use—like gaslighting, love bombing, intermittent reinforcement, and devaluation—that leave you emotionally drained and psychologically trapped.

In this episode, we’ll cover:

What narcissistic Victim syndrome really is

Common signs you're being emotionally abused by a narcissist

How narcissistic abuse affects your mental health and identity

Why victims stay and how trauma bonding forms

Steps to begin healing and reclaiming your sense of self

Narcissistic abuse isn’t always obvious—but its effects are long-lasting and real. If you've ever been made to feel like you're the problem, this episode will validate your experience and give you the clarity and language to understand what’s really happening.

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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.

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Transcript

So, What Is Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (NVS) isn’t officially recognised in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), but it is a real thing. Therapists, survivors, and those in the narcissistic abuse recovery community use the term to describe the very specific trauma and emotional fallout that happens after being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Whether it was a romantic partner, a parent, a boss, or even a friend—narcissistic abuse is psychological warfare. And when you finally escape, you often don’t feel free. You feel confused, depleted, and traumatised.

That’s NVS.

It’s More Than Just PTSD

Many survivors of narcissistic abuse are diagnosed with PTSD or Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) after leaving the relationship—and rightly so. The symptoms are real: panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, and emotional numbness.

But with NVS, there’s often a specific cluster of symptoms that arise from the type of abuse narcissists inflict—manipulation, gaslighting, blame-shifting, and that constant, low-grade emotional torture that chips away at your identity.

If you’ve ever walked on eggshells so often that it feels like your whole life is crunchy—welcome. This blog is for you.

The Psychological Warfare of Narcissistic Abuse

Let’s break down how narcissists operate and why this type of abuse is so damaging.

Narcissists don’t just hurt you—they confuse you. They create chaos and then blame you for reacting. They manipulate you with charm one minute, then ignore you the next. It’s not always the kind of abuse that leaves bruises, but it will leave deep psychological scars.

Some common narcissistic abuse tactics that can lead to NVS include:

• Gaslighting: “I never said that.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re imagining things.” They rewrite reality until you doubt your own memory.
• Love bombing and devaluation: You’re their soulmate one day, and completely worthless the next.
• Triangulation: Bringing in others to compare or compete with you. Think: “Why can’t you be more like my ex?”
• Smear campaigns: Telling others you’re the abusive or unstable one.
• The silent treatment: Withholding affection, communication, and presence as a form of punishment—often for things you didn’t even do.

When you experience this kind of abuse over and over again, your brain and nervous system adapt just to survive. But once you leave, you’re left trying to function while your entire sense of self has been dismantled.

Signs You Might Have Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Let’s go through the common signs of NVS. These are not just quirks or personality traits—these are trauma responses.

1. Hypervigilance

You’re always on edge, waiting for the next emotional attack. Even if the narcissist is long gone, you might jump at text notifications or panic over normal interactions.

One client (as shared in Fake Love) used to freeze every day at 4:30 pm—even years after the abuse ended—because her ex would come home at 5:00 pm. Her body remembered the routine of fear. That’s a trauma loop.

2. Walking on Eggshells

You second-guess your tone, your facial expressions, even the emojis in your texts. You might rewrite a simple email ten times, obsessing over how to word things in a way that won’t “set them off.” This isn’t normal. It’s conditioning. You’ve been trained to avoid conflict, even if it costs your mental peace.

3. Low Self-Esteem

Over time, narcissists wear you down. You start to believe the lies they tell you: that you’re not good enough, that you’re the problem, that you’re too emotional or too sensitive. Your confidence crumbles and you no longer recognise yourself.

4. Brain Fog and Confusion

You forget simple things. You struggle to make decisions. You feel mentally scattered. That’s not because you’re broken—it’s your brain trying to recover from chronic stress. Often, your memory is affected because your nervous system was focused on survival, not long-term clarity.

Your brain may also block out certain painful memories to protect you, but this only adds to the feeling of confusion.

5. Extreme Self-Doubt

You no longer trust your own gut. You might catch yourself asking, “Was it really that bad?” or “Maybe I was the problem.” Spoiler alert: that’s not your real voice—that’s their voice, planted deep inside your head from months or years of manipulation.

6. Obsessive Thinking and Rumination

You replay conversations in your mind endlessly, trying to figure out what you said wrong, what you could have done differently, or whether they meant what they said. This rumination is exhausting, but it’s also a trauma response. You’re trying to make sense of chaos.

Why Narcissistic Abuse Feels So Personal

Unlike other types of trauma, narcissistic abuse attacks your identity. It chips away at your sense of reality, your memory, your trust in others—and most importantly, your trust in yourself.

That’s why survivors of narcissistic abuse often feel so “crazy.” But here’s the truth:

💬 “You’re not crazy. You were psychologically abused.”

Once you have that lightbulb moment and realise what you've been dealing with—a narcissist who intentionally manipulated and devalued you—you can finally stop blaming yourself. You can begin the healing process.

How to Heal from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

The first step is awareness. You’ve got to name it to tame it. Recognising that you’ve been through narcissistic abuse and that NVS is real gives you the power to seek the right kind of help.

Here’s what helps many survivors:

• Trauma-informed therapy: Look for a therapist who gets narcissistic abuse and its impacts. Not all therapists are trained in this area, so be choosy.
• Education: Books like Fake Love are written specifically to help survivors understand what happened and how to rebuild.
• Support groups: Whether online or in person, connecting with others who’ve been through it can be incredibly validating.
• Journaling: Documenting your thoughts, triggers, and healing journey helps rebuild trust in your own perceptions.
• Boundaries: Learn how to say no and protect your peace—even from people who used to control your every move.

And most of all—be kind to yourself. You’ve survived something incredibly insidious. Now it’s time to thrive.