Narcissist Baiting and Bashing: How to Protect Yourself

They poke the bear—then cry victim when the bear roars.

In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I’m pulling back the curtain on one of the most manipulative narcissistic abuse tactics out there—narcissist baiting and bashing. If you’ve ever been provoked, poked, or pushed to your emotional limit by a narcissist only to have your reaction twisted against you, this episode is for you.

We’re diving deep into how narcissists bait you, why they do it, and how it connects to their larger smear campaign strategy. I’ll walk you through the red flags of baiting—those sly jabs, passive-aggressive comments, and guilt-tripping setups that are meant to elicit a strong emotional reaction. Once you take the bait, the narcissist flips the script, painting you as unstable, aggressive, or even abusive—this is what I call the narcissist’s bash phase.

“They want you to break—so they can blame you.”

In this episode, you’ll learn:

What narcissistic baiting looks like in romantic, family, workplace, and co-parenting dynamics

The emotional and reputational damage that occurs when you react

How baiting is often the first step in a calculated smear campaign

Why staying silent, not stooping, and emotionally detaching is your greatest defence

Grounded strategies to protect your peace and reputation

How to reframe your mindset so you stop reacting and start reclaiming power

Whether you're co-parenting with a narcissist, working with one, or trying to disengage from a toxic ex, knowing how to spot narcissist baiting before you take the hook is essential for your healing and safety.

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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.

Nova xx

Transcript

Baiting and Bashing: One of the Narcissist’s Cruelest Games

Let’s talk about one of the narcissist’s absolute favourite games to play when they want to really mess with your head: the bait and bash. If you’ve ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells, like one minute things are calm and the next you're caught in some emotional ambush you never saw coming, then chances are you’ve already been a victim of this toxic little tactic.

The bait and bash routine is classic narcissistic manipulation. It’s where they hook you into an argument, usually over something that seems completely nonsensical, and then turn around and blame you for your perfectly normal human reaction. It’s maddening. One minute you’re talking about something as harmless as what movie to watch, and the next you’re being told you’re unstable, too sensitive, overreacting—you name it. Sound familiar?

What is Baiting?

So, what exactly is baiting? It’s a deliberate manipulation tactic designed to provoke a reaction. And it is not accidental. Narcissists know exactly what they’re doing. They know your triggers. They know what gets under your skin. And they go there on purpose.

They want your emotional reaction. That’s what the bait is designed to get. And once you react? Bam. You’re the bad guy. You’re the unhinged one. They get to sit back, arms crossed, smug look on their face, and say, “See? I told you they were crazy.”

This is what narcissists do best: they push your buttons. They poke and prod at your vulnerabilities—those emotional wounds you’ve trusted them with. Then, when you respond like any normal person would, they twist your words and make you the villain in their carefully crafted story.

Why Do Narcissists Bait You?

It all comes down to control. That’s really the core of it. Narcissists are obsessed with control, superiority, and maintaining their image at all costs.

Here’s what they get out of baiting you:

1. Control: When you react, they feel like they’re calling the shots. They’re manipulating your emotions, and they love it.
2. Validation: Your upset response feeds their twisted story that you’re unstable or too emotional.
3. Narcissistic Supply: That reaction—your tears, your yelling, your confusion—that’s their oxygen. They thrive on drama and emotional chaos.
4. The Victim Card: And here comes the cherry on top—they get to play the victim. Suddenly, they are the ones who were just trying to help, and you lost it for no reason.

It’s such a mind game. And the worst part? You start second-guessing yourself. “Maybe I am too sensitive… maybe I am overreacting.” And just like that, the narcissist has you exactly where they want you.

How Do They Bait You?

Let’s go through a few of the most common ways narcissists bait their victims.

1. Digging Up Your Past

This one’s a favourite. They’ll bring up something painful you told them in confidence, usually way back at the beginning when they were pretending to be this amazing listener. Maybe it was something that causes you shame or grief. Then, out of nowhere, they bring it up in a so-called ‘joke’ or with a sarcastic smirk.

And when you react, of course, they accuse you of being too sensitive. They know it hurts. That’s why they said it. But now you’re the problem because you can’t take a joke. It’s a total lose-lose situation.

2. Withholding and Stonewalling

Another classic move. When you need emotional support the most—maybe you’re sick, grieving, or going through something—they vanish. They go cold. They ignore you. Maybe they say, “Yeah, we’ll talk later,” but they never do.

Then, when you finally crack and express your frustration or hurt? Boom. Now you are the problem. You’re “too demanding” or “impossible to please.” And they spin it like they were giving you space. What a joke.

In a healthy relationship, your partner is supposed to be there for you. They’re supposed to care. But with a narcissist, your pain becomes ammunition.

3. Insults Disguised as Concern

You know the kind. “Are you really going to wear that? I just want you to look nice tonight.” Or, “Maybe you should go to the doctor, I think you’re just hormonal again.” Or my personal favourite: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

Every single one of those is meant to cut you down while giving them plausible deniability. If you react, you’re “overreacting.” And if you don’t react, the insult still lands. It’s insidious.

4. Triangulation

They love dragging someone else into the mix to make you feel jealous or insecure. It might be an ex, a coworker, some random stranger they claim is flirting with them.

They’ll say, “Oh, this girl at work keeps looking at me, but don’t worry, I told her I’m not interested.” And when you react? “Wow, if I had anything to hide, I wouldn’t have told you!”

You’re set up to explode. And when you do? There it is. You’re the ‘crazy’ one again.

5. Gaslighting

This one’s a staple. You call them out on shady behaviour, and they deny, deflect, and rewrite the whole story.

Maybe you say, “Why were you flirting with that woman in front of me?” And they shoot back, “You’re imagining things. I was just being polite. You’re so insecure.”

Suddenly, you’re doubting your own memory, your gut instinct, your sanity. It’s absolutely exhausting. And that’s the point.

So What’s the Point of All This?

Like I said earlier, it all boils down to control. The narcissist needs to feel superior. They need to feel like they’re calling the shots, and they need to protect their fragile ego at all costs.

The bait-and-bash cycle serves multiple twisted purposes:

• Keeps you emotionally off balance
• Reinforces their false narrative that you are the unstable one
• Creates chaos, which keeps them in control
• Feeds their need for attention and drama

And once you’ve taken the bait and reacted? That’s when the real bashing begins. Whether you cry, yell, shut down, or walk away, the narcissist flips the script. Now they’re the poor victim. “I was just trying to help and look what I get in return.”

They might even tell mutual friends or family about how difficult you are, spinning this entire narrative that you’re unhinged. And let’s be honest—to someone who doesn’t see the behind-the-scenes manipulation, your reaction might look over-the-top. That’s what makes it so sinister.

How to Protect Yourself

So what do you do? The number one rule is: Don’t take the bait. I know—easier said than done. But it really is the best way to keep your power.

When you see those little digs, the sarcasm, the provocations—pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself, “What’s the payoff here?” Because if they’re trying to get a reaction out of you, the best revenge is to stay cool. It starves them of supply.

Here are some simple tips:

• Know your triggers. Once you know what they use to bait you, you can start spotting it in real time.
• Pause before reacting. Even a couple of seconds can give you the clarity to respond (or not) intentionally.
• Grey rock technique. Be boring, emotionally flat. Narcissists hate it.
• Document things if necessary. Especially if you share kids, property, or work together.
• Seek support. Talk to someone who gets it. This kind of abuse thrives in secrecy and isolation.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists don’t fight fair. They don’t play by the rules of healthy human interaction. And if you’re stuck in the bait-and-bash loop, it can feel like you’re losing your mind.

But here’s what I want you to remember: You are not the problem. Your reactions are normal. Anyone would get upset, hurt, or angry when pushed to the edge over and over again.

The key is to stop playing their game. Because it is a game to them. And the only way to win is not to play.

Start recognising the patterns. Start trusting your gut again. And start taking small steps to protect your peace, because you deserve that.

You are not too sensitive. You are not crazy. You are responding to intentional cruelty designed to hurt you. And once you see it for what it is, you can stop letting them pull your strings.

You’ve got this.

Keywords used: narcissist baiting, narcissistic abuse, bait and bash, emotional manipulation, narcissistic supply, triangulation, gaslighting, stonewalling, narcissist control, toxic relationship

Quote: “You’re not too sensitive. You’re reacting to deliberate cruelty.”

Need support? Contact Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service

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