Why You Feel Crazy After Narcissistic Abuse

If you’ve ever walked away from a narcissistic relationship feeling confused, unstable, or like you’ve lost your grip on reality, you’re not alone. In this episode, we break down why narcissistic abuse leaves you feeling crazy, emotionally exhausted, and unable to trust your own instincts. From gaslighting and manipulation to trauma bonding and cognitive dissonance, we unpack the psychological tactics narcissists use to keep you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. Whether you were in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, parent, or coworker, this episode will help you make sense of the chaos, regain clarity, and understand how emotional abuse impacts your nervous system, mental health, and sense of identity.

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Transcript

“Why Do I Feel So Crazy After Narcissistic Abuse?” Here’s the Truth

“Maybe it wasn’t that bad… maybe it was my fault… am I going crazy?”

If you’ve ever had those thoughts after leaving a narcissist, I want you to take a deep breath and sit with this: you are not crazy. You are healing. And believe me, that feeling of losing your mind? It’s heartbreakingly common after narcissistic abuse.

In fact, you’re now part of a very big club—one no one ever chooses to join, but one that so many of us find ourselves in. You didn’t walk into chaos on purpose. You were manipulated, conditioned, and love-bombed into it.

Let’s grab a cuppa (or something stronger), sit somewhere cozy, and talk about this foggy, painful stage of recovery. Let’s unpack the why behind those feelings. Because understanding what happened to you? That’s the first step to breaking free from the madness they left behind.

This Wasn’t Just a Bad Breakup—It Was Psychological Warfare

Let’s stop sugarcoating it. This wasn’t a relationship that “just didn’t work out.” This was emotional abuse disguised as love. Narcissistic abuse is a slow and insidious form of psychological warfare, and it’s carefully crafted to wear you down.

It starts off intoxicating. They mirror your every hope and dream. They text constantly, tell you you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them, and quickly make you feel like you’ve finally met your soulmate.

This phase? It’s called love bombing, and it’s not real. It’s manipulation. It's bait. And you fell for it because you’re human and you wanted connection—not because you're weak or naive.

You didn't fall for their lies because you're gullible. You fell because they were that good at pretending.

The Devaluation and Discard Phases Break You Down Bit by Bit

Once the narcissist senses that they’ve got you—emotionally hooked, invested, or locked in—they flip the script.

Suddenly, your quirks are now “annoying.” Your emotional needs are “too much.” You're “too sensitive.” The same traits they once praised now become things they criticize or mock.

They might start withholding affection. Going cold. Picking fights over nothing. Then, when you start to pull away? Surprise—they circle back with more affection, more false promises, and another wave of love bombing to confuse you.

And just when you think things might stabilize, they discard you. They ghost you, cheat, or push you away so forcefully that you’re left spinning. And then… sometimes they come back. They test the waters. They hoover you back in just to see if they still have access to you.

It’s not love. It’s emotional control masked as romance.

Let’s Talk About Gaslighting—Because It’s a Huge Part of Why You Feel Crazy

Gaslighting is psychological abuse 101 for narcissists. It’s how they chip away at your sense of reality.

They say something cruel, then claim, “I was just joking.” They do something awful, then make you apologize. They blatantly lie, then accuse you of being paranoid.

Over time, your confidence in your own perception disappears. You start to wonder, Did that actually happen? Am I overreacting? Maybe it’s me…

And that’s exactly what they want. They want you to doubt your gut. They need you to question yourself. Because the more you do, the more power they have over you. You end up relying on them to define what’s real. That’s terrifying. That’s gaslighting.

That Mean Voice in Your Head? It’s Theirs, Not Yours

Even after they’re gone, the programming remains.

“You’re too much.”
 “No one else would put up with you.”
 “You’re lucky I stayed as long as I did.”

You hear these lines in your own thoughts now. That’s not your voice—that’s theirs. You’ve internalized their words. You’ve been trained to think like them. That’s what abuse does—it doesn’t just hurt you in the moment, it lingers in your mind and makes you doubt yourself long after the person is gone.

Undoing this mental conditioning takes time. It takes unlearning, rewiring, and so much self-compassion.

The Relationship Was a Roller Coaster—and Your Brain Got Addicted

You weren’t just confused—you were trauma bonded. Narcissistic relationships are like emotional roller coasters from hell. One moment you’re on a high—being praised, loved, desired. The next, you're being punished, ghosted, or insulted.

That unpredictable reward system is called intermittent reinforcement, and it’s powerful. It’s the same system used in gambling addiction and cult manipulation. Your brain becomes addicted to the highs, so you keep holding on… even when the lows destroy you.

And trauma bonding? It literally rewires your brain. Your stress response becomes overactive. You crave the abuser. You feel withdrawal when they’re gone. It’s real. And it’s why healing feels so damn hard.

And No One Seems to Get It—Which Makes It Worse

Try explaining all of this to someone who hasn’t lived it, and you’ll probably hear things like:

• “But they seemed so nice!”
• “I never saw them act like that.”
• “Are you sure it was abuse?”
• “Maybe you’re being too sensitive?”

Cue the rage. Because now not only are you carrying trauma—you’re also trying to prove it happened. You're left isolated and misunderstood. It's exhausting. And it's another layer of why you feel like you're going crazy.

But I want you to know: you are not the only one. Thousands of people feel exactly the same after leaving a narcissist. Your story is valid, even if the people around you don’t understand it.

You Don’t Even Recognize Yourself Anymore

By the end, many survivors say they don’t even know who they are anymore. You gave up hobbies, friends, freedom. You learned to stay quiet. To avoid conflict. To walk on eggshells 24/7.

Now you look in the mirror and think, Where did I go?

This isn’t you being crazy. This is what happens when you spend so long trying to survive someone else’s chaos. But the beautiful thing? That real version of you? She’s still there. She just needs time, love, and safety to reemerge.

You Might Still Miss Them—and That’s Okay

It feels wild, doesn’t it? After all the crap they put you through… you still miss them. You still check their socials. You still think, maybe they’ve changed.

But missing them doesn’t mean the abuse wasn’t real. It means you were trauma bonded. It means your brain got used to chaos. And it means you’re human.

That obsessive thinking? That overwhelming anxiety? That’s your nervous system trying to heal from addiction. You're not broken—you're recovering.

And Then Comes the Smear Campaign

Let’s talk about the final act: the smear campaign.

Once you leave (or even start pulling away), the narcissist often flips the script. Suddenly, you’re the abuser. You’re unstable, dramatic, or “crazy.” They twist the truth. They spread lies. They get to your friends, your family, maybe even your work colleagues.

It’s infuriating. It’s hurtful. And it makes you question everything.

But please remember: you don’t have to defend yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. Real ones will see through the act. Others were never on your side to begin with.

So… What Can You Actually Do to Heal?

Let’s talk about the good stuff—the path forward. Because yes, there is one.

• Call it what it is: This was abuse. Name it. Don’t minimize it. That helps your brain begin to validate what you’ve been through.
• Cut contact where possible: Block, mute, grey rock. Don’t respond. Don’t stalk. Don’t give them another chance to pull you back into the madness.
• Rebuild your connection to you: What do you like to wear? Eat? Watch? What makes you laugh? You’ve been trained to silence your own needs. Start by listening again.
• Find your people: A therapist who gets it. A support group. An online community. Validation is everything right now.
• Let yourself feel: Rage. Sadness. Grief. Confusion. Even relief. Let it out in a safe space. Just don’t let it rule your whole life. Feel it—then move.
• Celebrate tiny wins: Got out of bed today? Huge. Didn’t check their profile? Amazing. Said no for the first time in years? That’s massive.

Final Words (Read This Twice)

Feeling crazy after narcissistic abuse doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means there was something terribly wrong with the relationship—and more specifically, the person who abused you.

You survived manipulation, gaslighting, emotional starvation, and psychological warfare. And even if you’re still in the thick of it, still hurting, still crying—it means you’re trying. And that’s everything.

You are not broken. You are healing.

And one day—not too far from now—you’re going to look back at this chapter and feel proud. Not because it happened, but because you made it out.

You will be happy. You will be safe. You will be free.