Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: 6 Strategies That Actually Work. Part 1

If you’ve escaped a relationship with a narcissist, you know the damage runs deep. From shattered self-worth to constant self-doubt, the aftermath of narcissistic abuse can leave you feeling like a shell of who you used to be. But healing is possible—and it starts with real, practical steps.

In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, host Nova Gibson—lead trauma-informed counsellor and author of Fake Love—shares 6 concrete, no-fluff healing strategies you can begin using right now to rebuild your confidence, trust your gut again, and reconnect with your true self.

You can order your copy of Nova’s best-selling book Fake Love  - Understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse here 🩵  https://mybook.to/F3gm 🩵

💔 Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just affect your mind—it gets into your body, your choices, your relationships. Healing requires more than time—it requires action. Let’s take those first steps together.

🎙️ Fake Love and Flying Monkeys is your safe space for understanding narcissistic abuse and learning how to truly heal. Hosted by Nova Gibson, Director of Brighter Outlook Counselling Service and leading voice in narcissistic abuse recovery.

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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.

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Transcript

You Didn’t Just Break Up with a Narcissist – You Escaped. Now What?

If you’ve made it out of a relationship with a narcissist, first of all – congratulations. Seriously. This isn’t your average breakup. This is an escape. And if you’re here reading this? You’re already doing something incredibly brave: you’re standing in your truth, no matter how shaky it feels right now.

Because here’s the thing – you don’t just “leave” a narcissist. You don’t just pack a bag and move on like you would in a normal breakup. No, this is different. You escaped. Whether you walked, crawled, or ran, you got out. And that is massive.

So, take a second to give yourself a little credit. Whether it’s been five days, five months, or five years since you broke free – the fact that you did it means you’ve got grit. You’ve already done something incredibly difficult: breaking the trauma bond with someone who twisted your reality and made you doubt your own worth.

Now what?

Well, now begins the real work – healing. Not just surviving, but actually healing. Feeling strong, clear, peaceful, and genuinely self-loving again. And yes, that version of you is still in there. They didn’t destroy it – they just buried it under layers of manipulation, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion. But we’re about to dig it back up.

Let me walk you through six powerful healing strategies that can help you take your power back and rebuild after narcissistic abuse. These are just a few of the 13 I cover in detail in my book Fake Love: Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse, but they’re a solid place to start.

1. Validate Your Trauma (Even If No One Else Does)

Here’s something most people don’t get unless they’ve lived it: narcissistic abuse is incredibly hard to explain. Maybe your ex never hit you. Maybe they were charming in public. Maybe your family and friends still think they were “lovely.” But you know. You lived it. The gaslighting, the emotional whiplash, the confusion, the walking-on-eggshells feeling that never went away.

That’s why validating your trauma is step one. You need to get it. You need someone who gets it. Because let’s be real – not everyone will.

Talk to the right people. Find a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse. Join a support group where people won’t raise an eyebrow when you explain the crazy-making dynamics. And above all – believe yourself. You’re not crazy. You never were.

2. Build Rock-Solid Boundaries (Even If It Feels Wrong at First)

If you’re someone who’s struggled with boundaries (and let’s face it, narcissists tend to target people who do), then this step might feel uncomfortable at first. You were probably conditioned to think saying “no” is selfish or mean. You might even feel guilty for putting your needs first.

But here’s the truth: boundaries are not mean. They’re necessary.

Boundaries are what protect your peace, your healing, and your energy. It’s not about being cold – it’s about being clear. You don’t owe anyone access to you just because they want it. And in time, setting boundaries won’t feel selfish. It’ll feel empowering.

3. Master the Grey Rock (Especially If You Still Have to Deal with Them)

If you’ve still got to interact with your narcissist – maybe because you share kids, have a work connection, or they’re family – then say hello to your new best friend: the grey rock method.

Here’s the deal: narcissists feed on reactions. Drama is their oxygen. So when you stop reacting, stop engaging, and stop giving them emotional fuel? They’ve got nothing to work with.

Grey rock is all about being boring, neutral, and completely unbothered (even if you’re fuming inside – that part takes practice). Don’t explain. Don’t defend. Don’t take the bait. The less you engage, the less power they have. Full stop.

4. Grieve What You Lost (Even If It Wasn’t Real)

This one’s big, and messy, and often misunderstood. You’re not grieving them – you’re grieving what you thought you had. What you wanted it to be. What you were promised.

And you’re also grieving the fact that the entire relationship was a lie. That’s a double hit. Because you’re not just mourning a breakup – you’re mourning a reality that was never real. That’s complicated. And painful.

But grief is part of healing. Let yourself go there. Cry, journal, scream, talk it out – whatever works for you. Just don’t stuff it down. You can’t heal what you won’t feel.

5. Forgive Yourself (This One Hurts – But It’s Crucial)

Let’s talk about a tough one: self-forgiveness. Maybe you’re thinking, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” Or “How did I fall for this?” Or the big one – “How did I let this happen around my kids?”

Take a deep breath. You stayed because you were trauma bonded. You stayed because you were manipulated. You stayed because you were doing your best with what you knew at the time.

You didn’t know what you know now.

Self-forgiveness isn’t about saying the abuse was okay. It’s about letting go of the shame and guilt that’s keeping you stuck. You can’t go back and change the past – but you can choose to stop punishing yourself for it.

6. Give Yourself the Closure They Never Will

Waiting for a narcissist to give you closure is like waiting for a cactus to give you a hug. It’s not going to happen.

They won’t admit what they did. They won’t apologize. They definitely won’t explain why they hurt you. Because if they could own it, they wouldn’t be a narcissist in the first place.

So guess what? You get to give yourself closure.

You get to say, “That was real. That was abuse. And I deserve better.” You get to stop chasing answers and start choosing peace. Because closure doesn’t come from them. It comes from you.

Final Thoughts: You’re Becoming Who You Were Always Meant to Be

Healing from narcissistic abuse is messy. It’s not linear. Some days will feel amazing, and some will feel like you're back at square one. That’s normal.

But please, hear this: real healing is possible. Not just getting by. Not just existing. But actually feeling whole, joyful, and grounded again. It’s not about going back to who you were before the abuse. It’s about becoming who you were always meant to be – before they dimmed your light.

And if you ever feel lost, you can come back to these six strategies. Better yet, grab a copy of Fake Love: Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse, where I walk you through all 13 of these powerful tools in full, juicy detail.

These strategies aren’t just fluff. They’ve helped real people (myself included, and hundreds of my clients) get their lives back. They’re the kind of support I wish I had when I was in the thick of it – and now, I’m handing them to you.