Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
Why Covert Narcissists Pick Fights Before You Go Out
Why does it feel like the covert narcissist always knows how to ruin your mood—right before a party, dinner, or important event? If you’ve ever found yourself crying in the bathroom or cancelling plans because of a last-minute argument, this episode is for you.
In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I (Nova Gibson, narcissistic abuse counsellor and author of Fake Love) unpack exactly why covert narcissists pick fights before you go out—and how this emotionally manipulative tactic is actually a form of social sabotage and control.
In fact, I was recently interviewed by Mamamia, Australia’s largest women’s media platform, to talk about this exact phenomenon—known as “Occasion Theory.” You can read the full, incredibly relatable article here 👇
https://www.mamamia.com.au/occasion-theory-spotting-a-narcissist
Covert narcissists may not scream or yell. Instead, they play the victim, sulk, guilt-trip you, or twist your words—right before you’re about to go somewhere that doesn’t revolve around them. The goal? To control you, keep you emotionally off-balance, and make sure you never fully enjoy yourself without them.
In this episode, we explore:
✔️ Why covert narcissists always pick fights before happy events
✔️ How these “arguments” are designed to isolate and control
✔️ The emotional toll of being sabotaged before you even walk out the door
✔️ Real stories from clients who’ve experienced this pattern
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why can’t they just let me have one good night?” — you are not overreacting. It’s calculated. It’s common. And you’re not alone.
If Fake Love has helped you, using this Apple Podcasts link is a simple way to support the show! 🙏
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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
Why the Narcissist Picks a Fight Right Before You Leave for a Party
You’ve spent time getting ready. You’re finally starting to feel like yourself again—maybe even a little excited about being around people who see your worth. Then bam—out of nowhere, the narcissist in your life picks a fight. Sound familiar?
You're not imagining it. This is a classic narcissistic control tactic. It’s not just about being moody or difficult. It’s a calculated move designed to pull your focus away from joy and back onto them.
Let’s unpack exactly why this happens, how to recognise it, and—most importantly—how to stop letting it ruin your moments.
The Party Sabotage Pattern
Narcissists have an uncanny ability to turn your happiest moments into emotional landmines. The night of your best friend’s wedding? Cue a meltdown. A birthday dinner with friends? Suddenly they’re accusing you of being selfish. Right before a big work function? They’re giving you the silent treatment.
This isn’t a coincidence. It’s a pattern of sabotage.
Narcissists often can’t stand when the attention isn’t on them—or when you're thriving without them. When you’re preparing to socialise, to be seen, to laugh, to shine—they feel threatened. Why? Because those moments remind you (and others) of who you are without their influence.
So they manufacture drama right before you leave. It serves two purposes:
- It knocks you off balance and dampens your mood.
- It keeps the spotlight on them—even if it's through conflict.
Your Joy Is a Threat to Their Control
Here’s the hard truth: your joy threatens the narcissist.
Narcissistic people survive on control, attention, and power over others—also known as narcissistic supply. When you’re out in the world, happy, autonomous, and connected to others, you're stepping outside of their influence. And that’s intolerable to them.
Your joy reminds them they don’t own you.
Your laughter proves they don’t control your emotions.
Your confidence exposes their insecurity.
So they’ll do anything they can to interrupt it.
And the easiest way to do that? Pick a fight.
They Want to Shrink and Isolate You
This tactic isn’t just about temporary disruption—it’s about conditioning you to dim your light. Over time, you may start to dread special occasions. You may even cancel plans just to “keep the peace.”
That’s exactly what they want.
By making joy feel unsafe, they shrink you. They want you to think twice about dressing up, seeing people, being visible, or celebrating your own life. They want you alone, either physically or emotionally. And if they can’t isolate you in person, they’ll do it through guilt, shame, or drama.
Their ultimate goal? To make you question your right to feel good at all.
Your Light Was Never Too Bright—It Was Just Too Bright for Them
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ve likely been told—directly or indirectly—that you’re too much. Too loud. Too confident. Too social. Too ambitious. Too emotional.
But here's the truth: your light was never too bright. It was just too bright for someone who couldn't stand to see you shining without their permission.
You weren’t “too much.”
You were just too yourself.
Narcissists can’t handle that. They want to be the sun in your universe, and they hate when you start orbiting outside their reach.
How to Reclaim Your Joy When They Pick a Fight
So what do you do when this pattern shows up again?
1. Name It for What It Is
Awareness is power. The next time an argument or guilt trip pops up right before an event, clock it. Don’t internalise it. Don’t absorb it.
Say to yourself: “This is a control tactic. It’s not about me—it’s about their fear of losing power.”
Just that recognition can stop the emotional spiral in its tracks.
2. Don’t Take the Bait
Easier said than done, but vital. When they throw out the passive-aggressive digs, dramatic ultimatums, or play the victim—don't engage. Keep your emotional energy intact.
You can say:
- “We can talk about this later.”
- “I’m not doing this right now.”
- “I’m still going.”
And then go.
3. Protect Your Energy
If you do go to the event, don’t let their tactics linger in your mind. Play music on the way there. Phone a friend for a pep talk. Say affirmations out loud. Walk into that space with your shoulders back, knowing exactly what’s happening—and refusing to let it ruin your night.
4. Rewrite the Script
When you hear that familiar script—“You’re selfish. You only care about yourself. You never think about me.”—pause, breathe, and say in your head:
“Oh, this again? Not today, Satan. Not today.”
It sounds silly, but giving yourself that moment of humour and clarity helps break the trauma response. You take your power back.
You Deserve to Be Seen and Celebrated
Your right to enjoy your life isn’t something you need to earn or justify. You don’t owe anyone an apology for being happy, loved, connected, or confident.
The narcissist in your life wants to rewrite your reality. But you get to write your own story.
So wear the outfit. Laugh loudly. Take the photos. Go to the party. Stay as long as you like. Let people love you.
What to Do After the Event
Expect a Backlash
If you didn’t play into the narcissist’s fight and still went out? Expect consequences. They may:
- Give you the silent treatment.
- Accuse you of being disloyal or disrespectful.
- Blame you for their mood or invent new drama.
This isn’t proof that you did something wrong. It’s proof that their control failed—and now they’re scrambling.
Don’t Apologise for Existing
When the aftermath hits, you might feel the pull to apologise, explain, or try to smooth things over. Try to resist that urge. You didn’t do anything wrong by living your life.
Your joy is not a betrayal.
Your boundaries are not cruelty.
Your independence is not abuse.
You’re allowed to exist outside of their emotional grip.
Breaking Free from the Guilt Cycle
The emotional hangover from these fights can be intense. Even if you went out and had fun, there’s often guilt afterward. That’s part of the manipulation too.
You’ve been trained to equate happiness with danger, connection with punishment, and confidence with shame.
Breaking that cycle starts with noticing it. Every time you choose joy despite the fear, you rewire the belief that it’s not safe to be seen.
What This Pattern Really Reveals
Here’s the deeper truth: narcissists pick fights before events not because you did something wrong—but because they feel like they’re losing control. It’s not about love or concern or miscommunication.
It’s about power.
They want to be the centre of your universe, even if it’s through conflict. They don’t want to see you empowered. They want you preoccupied—with them, their feelings, their drama.
But you don’t owe anyone your dimmed-down version.
The Bottom Line: Choose Joy Anyway
The next time a narcissist tries to pull you into a pre-party argument, remember this:
It’s not about you. It’s about their fear.
And you don’t have to play along.
Put on your favourite outfit. Leave the house. Be with people who make you laugh. Let the music lift you. Let the moment be yours.
And when the tension rises again before the next big event, just smile to yourself and say:
“Oh, this script again? Not today, Satan. Not today.”