Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
When the Narcissist Says 'Let’s be Friends': What They Really Mean
Have you ever had a narcissist in your life say, “Let’s be friends” after a breakup or fallout? In this episode, we dive deep into what they really mean, why it’s not about genuine friendship, and how these manipulative words keep you trapped in the trauma bond.
(For 1 on 1 online counselling in your own toxic relationship/narcissistic abuse recovery please visit my website at
https://brighteroutlookcounselling.com.au/online-counselling-services/ )
We explore why victims often think staying friends is a safer alternative to a committed relationship, the hidden motives behind this classic narcissistic move, and what actually happens when you accept “friendship” with someone who thrives on control and emotional supply.
I’ll share real-life examples from my counselling practice, practical strategies for setting boundaries, and ways to protect your emotional health without guilt.
Learn why saying “let’s be friends” is often just another way narcissists hoover, test boundaries, and maintain access, and discover how to respond in a way that supports your healing.
Need Support, Extra Resources? Resources and Online Counseling (worldwide) information Here
Order my book Fake Love – Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse here
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Thank you for listening!
Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
"Let's Be Friends" — Why That Phrase from a Narcissist Is Never What It Seems
Okay, so picture this: I’m on a beach in the Maldives, drink in hand, soaking up the sun… because I’ve cashed in all the imaginary dollars I would’ve made every time I’ve heard the phrase, “Let’s be friends.”
Yeah, I wish.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this little gem — usually delivered with Oscar-worthy fake sincerity — you already know that mix of emotions. Your heart does a little flip-flop. A part of you thinks, Well, at least we’re not enemies. Another part — your instincts — is screaming, Oh no, here we go again.
And here’s the thing… when a narcissist says, “Let’s be friends,” they are not offering you friendship the way you mean friendship. They’re not saying:
- “Let’s respect each other.”
- “Let’s support each other’s growth.”
- “Let’s have healthy boundaries.”
Nope.
What they’re really saying is:
- “I want to keep control over you.”
- “I want access to you when it suits me.”
- “I want your attention, your emotional energy, and your loyalty — without giving you anything back.”
It’s not about connection. It’s about control.
They want to keep you close enough to be a source of narcissistic supply… but far enough away that they don’t have to commit or be accountable. And if you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, that’s a recipe for disaster.
Why You Might Be Tempted to Say Yes
Let’s be real — even when you know better, there are a few powerful reasons you might still consider saying yes.
1. The Trauma Bond Is Real (And Biological)
If you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship, you’ve likely experienced that dizzying chemical roller coaster of love bombing, devaluing, and tiny crumbs of attention that keep you hooked.
This cycle messes with your brain chemistry. Dopamine from the “good” moments, cortisol from the bad ones — your nervous system gets so tangled it can’t tell the difference between love and anxiety.
So when they say, “Let’s be friends,” your trauma-bonded brain hears:
- “I’m not losing them completely.”
- “I can still get my fix.”
That’s not weakness. That’s biology. And it’s exactly what keeps so many people stuck.
2. The “Mature” Social Script
Society loves to praise people who stay friends with their ex. It’s held up as a sign of emotional evolution.
But here’s the truth: Those examples usually involve breakups where both people were simply incompatible — not where one person systematically dismantled the other’s self-worth.
Staying friends with your abuser isn’t maturity. It’s like sipping poison in smaller doses and congratulating yourself for being “healthier.”
3. The Hope Drug (“Hopium”)
Maybe you think, If I stay friends, they’ll miss me and want me back.
But what they’ll actually miss is:
- Your willingness to drop everything for them.
- The way you boosted their ego.
- Your tolerance for their moods and drama.
They won’t be yearning for your boundaries or your independence. Friendship just keeps you available as a backup.
4. Overestimating Your Emotional Strength
You might tell yourself, I’m over them. I can handle being civil.
But with a narcissist, this isn’t a safe “experiment.” It’s like saying, “Sure, that lion mauled me last year, but we’ve both matured, so I’ll just hang out in its cage again.” Spoiler: The lion hasn’t changed.
What Really Happens If You Say Yes
At first, it might feel fine. You grab coffee. Swap a few texts. Even laugh over old times.
But slowly… the cracks show:
- They call when they need emotional support — never when you do.
- They drop backhanded comments about your life.
- They hint about their “amazing” new partner just to make you squirm.
- They get flirty the second you start dating someone new.
Same game. Different rules. And now, you don’t even get the “perks” of the relationship — just the emotional garbage.
A Real-Life Example (Name Changed)
Take “Sarah,” one of my clients. She broke up with her narcissistic ex after catching him cheating. Two weeks later, he called with the classic line: “We’re not good romantically, but I don’t want to lose you. Let’s be friends.”
Sarah said yes — thinking it was the “grown-up” thing to do. For three months, she became his emotional dumping ground. He called when he was stressed at work or fighting with his new girlfriend… but never once asked how she was doing.
When Sarah finally stopped answering his calls, he blocked her. Just like that. Friendship over.
Because for narcissists, relationships — even “friendships” — are transactional. You’re supply, not a person. And when you’re no longer useful, they discard you.
The Real Reason They Want “Friendship”
When a narcissist says, “Let’s be friends,” they’re really saying:
- “Let me keep you emotionally available so I can feel powerful.”
- “I’ll keep you as backup supply when my other relationships implode.”
- “I’ll leave the door open to suck you back in whenever I need a fix.”
It’s never about mutual respect. It’s about keeping control of the narrative — and you.
Why You Can’t Be Friends with Your Abuser
You can’t have genuine friendship with someone who abuses you. True friendship requires:
- Mutual respect
- Reciprocity
- Emotional safety
You’ve never had those things with them, and you never will.
If you’re thinking about staying friends, ask yourself:
- Am I craving their approval?
- Am I hoping they’ll change?
- Am I afraid of the withdrawal from cutting them off?
Because if the answer is yes, you’re not building a healthy connection — you’re keeping the trauma bond alive.
Choosing Your Peace Over Their Control
You owe a narcissist nothing. Not your time. Not your energy. And definitely not your friendship.
Protecting your peace is not petty — it’s healthy.
Friendship should feel like:
- A gift, not a trap
- Freedom, not a leash
Surround yourself with real friends. People who show up without drama or hidden agendas. People who value you for you, not for what you can give them.
Your worth has nothing to do with whether a narcissist wants you in their life. And trust me — you’ll never heal if you’re still holding the door open for them.
Final Thought
As Oscar Wilde put it:
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Choose the kind of happiness you deserve. And sometimes, that means choosing to close the chapter for good.
If you’re struggling to break free from a narcissistic ex — or to stay no-contact after they’ve dangled the “friendship” bait — I can help.
I offer private, one-on-one Zoom counseling sessions for narcissistic abuse recovery. This is a paid service for those ready to invest in their healing and finally reclaim their peace.
📅 Book your session today → YourWebsiteLink.com
Because your mental health and freedom are worth it.